Behold, The Power Of Bird Poop

Kids these days! It takes so little to impress them. Today, for instance...

I stood at my post in the hall, snarfing up all manner of germs from the tailwinds of passing students, trying to hold my breath for an adequate amount of time as each cougher passed by. Upon hearing exclamations of awe emanate from my classroom, I turned to observe what fresh torture the students had in store for me.

They were gathered near to back of the room. One brave or very unenlightened lad actually stood at the window behind my desk! That's a no-no. I cautioned him to move away. He apologized.

"I'm sorry. But have you SEEN that van out front?"

"No. I don't pay that much attention to what's outside the classroom."

"Whose van IS that?"

"Don't know. Don't really care. You all need to sit down."

"Well, those birds have really been going to town on that van!"

Yeah. I looked as I returned to my desk. Big deal. It was a dark blue older-model van with a few white lines of bird poop down the back side. Whoop-ti-freakin'-do. Of course, the kids assumed it had happened while parked out front. I don't think so.

Their tender brains do not have the deduction power of one with so many rings as myself. They are but neophytes in the world of forensics. You see, no other cars out front had such poopy markings. The van was not under any power lines, trees, or wires. No poopy perches from which our avian friends could bombard the auto. Which points to a van parked at home, perhaps under a carport edge, or other aforementioned vantage point for our fine feathered poopers to drop their chalky white bombs.

It was really nothing to write home about. But something eye-catching to fourteen-year-olds.