I have a concept for a new show. I'm not sure which network is deserving of my pitch. It's kind of a hybrid of an idea, as Mr. Mendel would say. A mongrel, to the canine world. A conglomerate, to a geologist. My show involves both cooking AND a psychic! It could be called Chopped Medium.
Of course the star would be Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.
I would do what I do every day...besides trying to take over the world. I would whip up suppers in my Mansion kitchen. Notice that is plural. Because it is a rare evening when all residents concur on the vittles. But that's not the psychic part.
Farmer H sits down to eat when he's good and ready. He gets home at 5:00 and tends to his animals. The boys are hungry much earlier. So I feed them at the cutting block, then prepare food for Farmer H and myself. Which is usually the same.
Deciding when Farmer H will appear to sup is the psychic part. Sometimes, the meal is ready, but the Farmer is missing for a good two hours. Other times, the minute food goes into the oven, Farmer H is sniffing around like a junkyard dog outside an abattoir.
There's room for another kind-of cooking show, right? Because I'm not about to have 19 kids or go noodlin' catfish to get on TV.
How about adding more "Chopped" excitement to it, and have someone stipulate particular ingredients for the meal?
ReplyDeleteTwinkies in the salad. Little Caesar's cookies in the entree. The dog's chow in the dessert.
Think about it. Certainly, your meals would be more exciting...
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteI am partial to Sweet Genius. Not only because that alien-cat-James-Carville-looking dude pronounces it "Swit Gin-Yuss," but because I love that conveyor belt that brings out the ingredients and the inspiration. No simple basket for this show!
I DO have some chocolate-filled Twinkies for the salad. The #1 son pronounced them "the most terrible thing ever." Which is not a good marketing sign for the main consumers of Twinkies, teenage boys.
Little Caesar's cookies would make a good breading for something like...oh...I don't know...perhaps...SQUID.
But we have to be careful of the dog chow. Some has been recalled, you know, for spreading salmonella. So I'm going to substitute fish food pellets. The dogs LOVE that stuff more than their own food. And they would make a tasty sprinkles topping for something like salmon ice cream. The fish food pellets. Not the dogs.
My inspiration for this meal? A toilet bowl. For kneeling before the porcelain throne.