A 20-acre utopia smack dab in the middle of Hillmomba, where Hillbilly Mom posts her cold-hearted opinions, petty grievances, and self-proclaimed wisdom in spite of being a technology simpleton.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Do You Ever Wonder?
Here is a list of items that puzzle Mrs. Hillbilly Mom:
If dinosaur farts caused the atmosphere to warm, and led to their demise, why hasn't the overwhelming overpopulation of humans done the same thing? I know there are way more people than dinosaurs. And some of them are really gassy.
How is it that the melting ice caps and icebergs will raise the level of the oceans, BUT if you fill a glass to the top with ice and water, it does not overflow as the ice melts? Ice takes up more space than water, you know. Because water expands when it changes from liquid to solid. Just try putting a bottle of water in your freezer if you don't believe me.
How could NASA erase the original moon videotapes so they could recycle the tapes and use them again? Really. You'd think the agency in charge of the only moon landing in the world would recognize the importance of such an event, and take more care with the evidence. What's the deal? Did a summer intern need to record Mork and Mindy?
How is it that schools are expected to have an all-seeing eye when it comes to bullying, even after hours and in social media, yet are not supposed to monitor student social media?
How is it that kids are getting fatter and fatter, yet they are now eating three meals a day at school for all but about two months of the year? That ketchup must be one high-calorie vegetable!
How are the not-fat kids going hungry on those three free meals plus weekend backpack food, when their parents get food stamps to feed them at home, subsidized rent, free medical and dental treatment, free phones, free school supplies, and a hefty tax refund though they may not even work? It almost seems as if those benefits are not going to help raise the kids!
How is it that nobody has ever found a Bigfoot skeleton or a true missing link between apes and humans? Surely if such things exist, one would have been found by now, what with people scouring the earth in search of them.
How could people believe that the Cottingley Fairies were real? C'mon. LOOK at them! Even in 1917, somebody should have known that pictures can be faked.
Why are animal lovers so quick to condemn any act that so much as ruffles the fur on Fido's head, yet subject their own pets to stabbings with a hypodermic needle, and mutilation as birth control?
Would Meow the 39-pound cat still be alive if do-gooders had not put him on a diet and made him lose 6 pounds? Reports point to a stoppage of breathing as the cause of death. Was he on a treadmill, or what?
Perhaps some of you have the answers. Please share.
I had never seen the Cottingley Fairies, so I appreciated the link. They sure looked real to me ;) It reminded me of the "spaghetti trees" that people clamored for--everyone wanted to order one or two.
ReplyDeleteYour wonderings made me consider my own curiosities...
How can people have enough to spend on fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake ta-tas and fake nails, yet they don't have enough money to buy their kids some books?
How can people have time to rag on their child's teacher for inconsequential crapola, yet they have no time to take their family to the library?
How can Rush Limbaugh snort cocaine and get hooked on pain pills and then feel justified to call a college student a "ho"?
Why does my dog expect me to give him a "kiss" after he's "recycled" the poop in the backyard?
How can a writer come up with just-as-clever replies to comments, replies that are as funny as her posts?
Just wondering...
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteI gather that you will not be signing up as one of "Rush Babes For America" any time soon.
How can my insurance company have a program that gives discounts for teeth-whitening, yet not adjust those tiered drug prices for people who cannot take the generic?
It's a crazy, mixed-up world we live in.
And now, I will address your "writer" wondering. Because of course I am making it all about myself. And there is no subject Mrs. Hillbilly Mom loves discussing more than herself!
I look at the comments much the way a stand-up comedian looks at hecklers. A snarky retort is required to keep the attention of the audience. My many years in the classroom have helped me to hone this skill to a razor-sharp edge. Within reason, of course. I cannot shred the future of tomorrow simply for my own amusement. So my replies to students are tempered like a delectable chocolate. Mmm...chocolate.
It's a fine line I walk, trying to amuse, yet not offend. To provide laughs, not tears. I'm two...two...two mints in one. I'm the chocolate in your peanut butter. Or the peanut butter in your chocolate. Mmm...chocolate.
And apparently, I'm a raging narcissist who loves chocolate.
So many questions and me with no answers. I ponder many of the same issues myself. This past week has me pondering a particular kamper who is consistantly late paying, yet has the audacity to try and yank my chain by implying that he would not pay his bill until I met his specifications of what he thinks I should do ...... After I pondered his scarcastic epistle, I responded in kind and not only did I not meet his requirements, I raised his rates after explaining to him that everything he wanted done cost money and that I would be sure to credit him with the rate increase. I Am the Nazi Bitch! I own it!!!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteYou charge people to camp?
Heh, heh. Didn't mean to give you a flashback to that phone call woman asking about the price of showers.