This Old Dog Despises New Tricks

Sometimes, I long for the days of yesteryear. The days of the male custodians.

Sure, the bathrooms rarely got cleaned. A squirt of bleach made fixtures LOOK like they'd been scrubbed. Wastebaskets were dumped. The perimeter of the classroom was plowed by a small dry push mop daily. What more could we ask for? Any broken desks were hefted to the furnace room for hoarding. Loose screws were tightened, and tight screws were loosened. We were sympatico.

This morning, horror of horrors, I arrived to find that my entire stable of desks was askew. Oh, they were still in rows as straight as plebes at West Point. But they were OFF. Half a tile off per row. That means that the back row was EIGHTEEN INCHES BEHIND WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN! Yeah. That's a big deal. Kids push their chairs away from the desks. Toss their bags in the back aisle. There is no pathway across the rear of the room unless you strap on some hiking boots, whittle a walking stick, and imitate a surefooted mountain goat. So I moved all twenty-five desks back to their rightful places. Where the students had set them on Friday afternoon. It's not like I leave the room with furniture willy-nilly. A place for everything, and the students put everything in its place. That's the Mrs. Hillbilly Mom way.

To add insult to my own personal injury, the women's faculty bathroom was out of toilet paper this morning. That's what happens when you devote your time to mopping the classrooms without being asked. Because there was no toilet paper, the paper towel dispenser ran dry. Oh, and just before class change between fifth and sixth hour, the floor of both the women's and men's faculty bathrooms were mopped. MOPPED, I TELL YOU! Complete with a yellow plastic watch your step or you might die upright sign.

Anybody who's ever been privy to schoolteacher restroom habits knows that class change is the time we all make a mad dash for the facilities. Especially those of us who have morning planning periods. I'm shocked that some of us heathens didn't simply plop down on a wastebasket. It would have been safe. The wastebaskets were full of the paper towels that disappeared when the lack of toilet paper was noticed.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is not fond of change.