Overfeeder Nonanonymous

I spent all morning showing off pictures of my new pony to anybody who would stop by my duty station in the hall and admire him. Thank the Gummi Mary it was raining outside, and I did not have to go to the parking lot where there would have been fewer opportunities to brag about him. I might just hand out cigars tomorrow.

Of course the horsey people were enchanted. Tomato-Squirter has a minipony of her own, a mare, 29 inches tall. I asked if she was looking for a suitor, perhaps with an option to cat around and end up in the family way. Negatory. That minipony is 14 years old, and considered too small by minipony standards to foal. She needs more room in her ladyparts to grow the bundle of joy.

One thing my lunch buddy Tomato-Squirter told me was that we need to be careful about feeding our tiny pony. She says he will be fine in the barren goat pen, because even if he was just turned out on grass, he could founder. She said that ponies have no idea when to stop, and they will gorge themselves until they founder, and then it’s too late. The damage can’t be undone. I remembered back to my childhood days when her mother’s pony, boarded at my grandma’s house, got into the corn and foundered. Poor, sweet Sugarfoot had curly hooves the rest of his days. It was hard for him to get around.

So…I need to lay down the law to Farmer H, overfeeder nonanonymous. All of his animals end up obese. He fed a turkey to death (not the one that got loved to death, nor her lover), and the goats are not svelte. Then we have that humongous cat that probably weighs as much as that new pony. According to Tomato-Squirter, we should only feed our teacup equine a handful of sweet feed, twice a day. She says it will be good to keep him put up in the goat pen, and let him out occasionally to graze.

I really hope Farmer H will listen to me on this one. I would rather give that precious beauty away than have anything happen to him.