Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Is Turning Into One Of Those Addled Elderly Women

I know this will come as a shock to my loyal reader(s), but Mrs. Hillbilly Mom narrowly avoided a movie theater faux pas last week when she took her mom to see Tammy, the new Melissa McCarthy movie. I would have just left that at "Tammy," but when I told the #1 son that Grandma and I went to see Tammy, he said, "Who's she?"

Always one to look for bargains, so as to have more money to spend on exorbitantly-priced movie snacks, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is the proud possessor of an AMC Stubs card. That card gets you $10 worth of snacks or tickets for every $100 you spend during the year. A crafty thrifty cheap-butt colleague gave HIS Stubs card to students when they went to a movie on a semester incentive trip. The tickets for the kids, and a small soda and popcorn, were free. But many of them brought money for other snacks. "Here," he said. "Use my card when you buy your snacks." So he built up many dollars worth of credit for himself to use later.

So there I was, preparing to leave the Mansion to pick up my mom for our movie, and I couldn't find my Stubs card. I looked in the side pocket of my movie purse. Nope. That's where I ALWAYS keep it. My movie purse is the one I take into the theater that carries only my vital movie-going implements. Glasses, phone, movie candy from The Dollar Tree, tissues, mini spiral notebook and pen in case inspiration strikes, Germ-X, and Butter Buds.

I do remember giving my Stubs card to the #1 son when he had planned a movie outing with his friends sometime in May. It seems like those plans fell through. I vaguely remember him telling me that they had gone somewhere else, and that he didn't use my Stubs card. He laid it down for me somewhere. Obviously not back in the side pocket of my movie purse. I dug through my regular purse looking for that little imp. But no. Stubs was not coming out for the ollie ollie in free.

When Mom and I pulled into the theater parking lot, right beside that huge olive green transformer thingy that I like to park by so nobody can crowd up on the driver's side of T-Hoe, I told her I was making one last effort to find Stubs. I took out my checkbook and dug through various and sundry cards for insurance, doctors, faculty ID, dentists, lawyer, and businesses. No Stubs. I looked in the slide-in slots where the debit and the credit card and Farmer H's business card with work phone numbers reside. WAIT A MINUTE!

"I think I found it." Let the record show that all this time, I could not remember that it was called a Stubs card. I simply refer to it as my movie card. Until now. I think you'll see why. "Hey! This is it!" It was an attractive silver card that said "Marquee Rewards." Uh huh. That had to be my movie rewards card, right? Movie...marquee. Yep. Sure sounds right.

At the last minute, just before shoving that Marquee Rewards card in my shirt pocket, I stopped. Yanked my hand back as if I'd found a copperhead in my checkbook slots. "NO! That's the player's card Farmer H and I got at the casino last week coming home from the doctor! HOLLYWOOD Casino! Marquee Card! Not my movie card! I think it was black."

Yes. I saved myself the embarrassment of trying to get AMC movie perks with a casino rewards card.

Now I have a number to call so I can have a new Stubs card with my proper ID number mailed to me.

The #1 son has no idea what happened to the original Stubs. Nor do I.