The Luck Of The Hillmombish

The #1 son called this morning. He's sick. In fact, he didn't go to work on this, his next-to-last day on the job. He didn't sound good. He wanted me to make him a doctor's appointment for Thursday. What good would that do? He'll either be way sicker or almost healed by then. So I told him to go today.

"I don't want to drive all the way home and then back."

"Then go to an urgent care up there."

"I don't know where any are. And the insurance card says it has a $75 copay for urgent care."

"Huh. They never charge me a penny. They only charge your dad $20. It may be different up there, though. Besides, it will cost $20 for the doctor copay, and then I'll have to give you gas money. We won't be saving anything."

"I could just wait until Friday, when I'm back at school, and go to Student Health for free."

"You could. If you live. I'll try to get you an appointment if that's what you want."

"Well, I don't want to go up here."

So...I got him an appointment with the nurse practitioner in his doctor's office. He packed up half of his worldly goods and drove home to drop them off. He still didn't sound good.

"I started getting sick over the weekend, on my Boys State canoe trip."

"Guess you should have slept in the back of your truck under your brother's camper, instead of buying a tent."

"Maybe. Everything there tried to bite me, sting me, or go up my nose or in my ears. But the people I live with are sick, too. The guy missed work today like me. He said his wife was sick over the weekend, and now the baby is coming down with it."

"Then you got it from them before you left. You must have picked it up off the faucet or refrigerator handle or something."

"Well. I'll get some medicine and maybe feel better."

He had a rapid strep test, which was negative, but the NP said she didn't believe it, and gave him an antibiotic, and told him to take something over-the-counter for his runny nose and sore throat. She said if he wasn't better by Friday, to go to Student Health, because it might be viral, and they could give him something in case his symptoms turned into a sinus infection or bronchitis or pneumonia.

While he was here, I took pity on him and let him choose two of my scratch-off tickets that I picked up this morning. I cashed in $21 worth, and tossed another $20 after that so I got a good selection. I had nine tickets, seven five-dollar and two three-dollar. #1 picked two of the five-dollars.

"Loser! Oh! This one's a winner! FORTY DOLLARS!"

"Dang! That's MY money!"

"You gave me the ticket! It's mine!"

"I know. It's yours. Darn you!"

So...#1 was happy with his windfall. He left for his appointment. I consoled myself by scratching my other tickets. BWAHAHA! The first one, a three-dollar ticket, won FIFTY DOLLARS! I scratched away. A bunch of losers. The next-to-last five-dollar ticket won SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS!!! Of course I was happy to share that info with #1 when he called to tell me his diagnosis.

"Oh, you're such a loser! You picked the lowest winner!"

"Hey! I want that seventy-five dollar ticket!"

"Too bad, so sad! It's mine!"

I really must apologize to the populace of Hillmomba who buy scratch-off tickets. They have no chance of winning. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom attracts winners much like she attracts weirdos!

Even after paying for the doctor and #1's gas, I still came out ahead.