I’m Mad As Not-Heaven, And I’m Not Going To Take It Any More!

This morning Mrs. Hillbilly Mom sat at her desk, grading papers. Her students were given free rein to move about the classroom, having behaved themselves during the lesson, and being her very bestest class. Just before the bell, a situation arose that demanded Mrs. HM’s attention.

“You old lady!”

Let the record show that this invective was not hurled at Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. It was a discussion between two dudes, who are friends, but cut each other no slack. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom could not resist inserting herself into the conversation.

“Hey, that’s enough. I am highly offended by that remark!”

“Huh? I just called him an old lady. That’s not bad. He’s an old lady. He carries a TISSUE in his pocket.”

“As spokesman for all old ladies everywhere, I am offended! I say it is time for people to stop using our name to refer to things they find to be not-cool.”

“Oh. Okay. I apologize.”

“I’m not really mad! I’m just acting like everybody who gets outraged over the least little thing. Just because he carries a tissue does not mean he’s an old lady. You act like he’s carrying an embroidered handkerchief.”

“Yeah, well…dudes don’t carry tissues. Turn in your dude card.”

I guess there’s an unofficial competition to see who’s the dudiest. I plan to enter the unofficial competition to see who's the outragediest.