Get My Surgical Instruments! STAT!

Woe is Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Her day was not off to a good start this morning. She left early for school to avoid the Big Rock Truckers she encountered coming home last evening. Except that those Big Rock Truckers don’t start work at 8:00 like teachers or at 7:00 like normal laborers…but apparently at 6:00 like crazy Big Rock Truckers. So…she was driving behind a flatbed full of stones from Mansion to mailbox. Which is still better than driving IN FRONT of of one, what with their questionable brakes.

Getting to school a useless 45 minutes before first bell, Mrs. HM decided to go ahead and prep for her lesson forthwith, rather than waiting until 15 minutes before the bell as usual. Good thing Mrs. HM is an overachiever.

Look what happened.

Okay. It didn’t just happen. Mrs. HM had a hand in it. Two hands, to be literal, and the end of her nose to boot.

I have a lesson that I use every year that requires a videotape made from TV long ago. So long ago that my mom recorded it for me. It has to do with the moon landings. For years, I searched for this program on DVD or video to no avail. I looked on YouTube. Nothing. So my faithful tape played four times a day, once a year. I daresay that tape is at least 10 years old now. Maybe 15. Older than my students!

Tapey has grown crotchety in his old age. He growls. He hiccups. He blanks out. But he is still informative. Until today. “Please, please, let’s get four more showings out of this old guy,” Mrs. HM muttered to herself as she slipped Tapey into DA-4HEAD, the Emerson VCR that Mrs. HM has tended like a precious hothouse flower all these years.

I put on my projector. Turned on DA-4HEAD. And nothing happened. Oops! Better switch the plugs on the back of the control center from DVD to VCR. There. Play again. Nothing. Hit eject to release Tapey. The door opened but he wouldn’t come out. I tugged. I pulled. I yanked. Nothing.

Off to the cabinet for my surgical instruments. A triple Phillipsectomy later, the top was off DA-4HEAD, and I could twist Tapey’s entrails loose from the sharp guts.

The operation was a success. I played that tape for 2nd hour. Then I rewound it. Of course it would not work during 3rd hour. BUT...I had left the patient exposed on the operating table. AND I had a visiting specialist to help me. We gave it a good go, but I am sorry to report that while the patient survived, the parasite died.

Lucky thing Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is a quick thinker. She turned off the project to protect classified information from 32 prying eyes, and found that moon video NOW ON YOUTUBE! Heh, heh. YouTube is no longer blocked from the faculty.

Problem solved. Allow me to introduce my new BFF, YouTube. Sorry Google.

It's not me. It's you.