Better Than A Leg Lamp Packed In Straw Delivered In A Wooden Crate Marked Frah-Jee-Lay

Yep. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has done it again. Like a whupped wolf crawling back to the pack leader, like a beaten Shani Wallis as barmaid Nancy crawling back to Oliver Reed as Bill Sikes in the 1969 Best Picture musical Oliver!, Mrs. HM has come crawling back to those ne'er-do-well meteorologists who hold her heart and mind hostage through the winter.

Snow? A slight chance of, perhaps? Or a ground-slathering that will result in Newmentia's first snow day of the 2015-16 school year? Don't get the pump primed and then spout a single droplet on Mrs. HM.

REEEEE! Hold the presses! Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is now the proud recipient of her very own SNOW DAY!!!

I guess it took a near-shaming for the ne'er-do-wells to get it right this time, so the powers that be could deliver Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's much-anticipated award.

But listen to THIS! Newmentia let out early today! It's TRUE! I was carefully checking the radar every five minutes (don't you worry about those pupils--they were plenty busy with an assignment) and saw a band of precipitation approach and then cover most of Hillmomba. Still, nothing was falling outside my window. So I checked other sources, and saw that snow was due to arrive in 64 minutes. 63. 62. Okay. So maybe I checked a little more often than every five minutes.

AND THEN...I saw that a couple of districts to Newmentia's west had already declared early dismissal! Some as early as 11:30! And here it was, already 10:45, and nearing lunch time. Still, I wasn't concerned. After all, my main sources of forecasts said the snow wouldn't start in Hillmomba until at least 4:00.

So there we were, convening the Semi Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank, not even a quorum present yet, when our key support maven, Flaming Red, waltzed into the cafeteria and told us, not even in a hushed tone, that we would be dismissing at 1:00, by cracky! Then she proceeded into the serving line area, and shouted at the top of her lungs (which is to say her normal tone) "Hey, girls! We're leaving at 1:00!"

Now you might assume that the pupils were all ears, seeing Flaming Red waltzing into lunch where Flaming Red usually does not waltz, unless she has envelopes perhaps pertaining to immunizations to send home. But no. These little log bumps were so busy texting each other across the table that they did not seem to notice. A hush did not fall over that crowd. Nor were there murmurs of suspicion. Everything continued as usual.

Until...Flaming Red returned to her office, picked up her telephone receiver like the trucker Rubber Ducky CB-ing, "Breaker 1-9," and proceeded to announce to the entire student body our little secret. Well. A rousing round of cheering broke out. A little bit of joy was sufficient. We did not need the prolonged frenzy that seemed about to engulf the entire lunch 20 minutes.

The Woodsman rolled his eyes. "I wish she could have waited until after our lunch shift was over."

"Listen to them," said Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. "They have no idea that WE are much more excited than they are."

And so ends Newmentia's first weather-related early-out of the season, and begins the eve of the first snow day.