Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Shucked Corn, And She Don't Care

Farmer H grilled on Gassy-G for the 4th of July. Hey! I just remembered something Sis said, way back when she was only My Sister the Li'l Future Ex-Mayor's Wife. "Hey, Mom. Do other countries have the Fourth of July?" Yeah. The Hillbilly family has never been all-stars in the history department.

Anyhoo...as part of our vittles, Mrs. HM made some corn on the cob. Okay. I didn't really MAKE it. That credit best goes to Mother Nature and Farmer Brown and Monsanto. We'll get to that in a few more lines.

That sweet corn was delicious! When Farmer H went to visit took some vital machinery/appliance to the #1 son one weekend, #1 and his housemates invited him to stay and eat the fruits of their barbecue labors. The #1 son has grilling utensils, you know, made from actual hockey sticks. He's a hockey fan, so I gave him a set for Christmas. Farmer H raved about their grilled corn when he got home. "They had it wrapped in foil, with just some cayenne pepper. It was great!"

Since Farmer H had Gassy-G full of pork steaks and bratwursts and a ribeye, I put our corn in the oven. Farmer H's with cayenne, mine with nothing, and none for The Pony. He does not partake of corn on the cob. I know that's shocking, what with BUTTER being a big garnish for most people's cobbed corn. But he has never really liked it. Let the record show that neither Farmer H nor Mrs. HM used butter on their foiled corn. It was just THAT good.

Oh, sure. You can boil corn on the cob in 5 minutes or less. But then you have boiled corn. When it steams in the foil, it's the next best thing to eating it right out of the corn field. I guess. I never ate it that way, but when I helped my grandpa pick it for the evening meal, he would rip open an ear and take a bite right there amongst the stalks in the garden. Not Li'l Future Mrs. Hillbilly Mom! No siree, Bob! She had seen the worms wiggle out when her grandma shucked that corn for supper.

Anyhoo...that corn was fantastic, so I picked up some more at Save A Lot yesterday to have last night. Well. It was not quite the same.

That might look like perfectly good sweet corn to you. But to Mrs. HM's trained eye, this corn has issues. Oh, sure. Not ALL corn on the cob has kernels lined up in perfect rows, suitable for typewriter-like chomping from the left end to the right end. But MOST corn does. Like that we had on July 4th.

These kernels are all cattywompus. Imagine the poor guy or gal with crooked teeth, trying to eat these ears through a picket fence! Some kernels are going to be missed. And it was really, really hard to pull those silky little hairy threads out from between those cattywompus kernels. Sure, maybe it would have been better if I'd put on my glasses. Too bad, so sad. We have plenty of toothpicks for after the roastin'-ear eatin'.

But those cattywompus kernels are not the freaky part. The genetically modified Monsanto additives result. Look at that ear next to the bottom. At the left end. There is leafy green stuff growing down in the kernels! That is wrong! So very wrong! Like having a toe sprouting out your cheek beside your nose!

Let the record show that Farmer H was generously given TWO ears of (the crookedest) corn, while Mrs. HM had one. There are two left for a future meal.

What Farmer H doesn't know won't hurt him. In the short run.