Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Grows Weary Of Being The One Born Every Minute

By this time, you probably have figured out that the Hillbilly family is no stranger to pizza. It's one of our main food groups. With The Pony gone, we don't partake of it nearly as much. But we still enjoy a saucy, savory pie. A couple weeks ago, Farmer H wanted Pizza Hut.

"I like the breadsticks too, you know. I didn't eat them, because they were always for The Pony. But I like them too."

So Mrs. HM set about researching Pizza Hut specials. We're not made of money, you know. Those 44 oz Diet Cokes and lottery tickets don't pay for themselves. When The Pony was here, he always liked getting the Triple Treat box. It comes with two single topping medium pizzas and an order of breadsticks and a big chocolate chip cookie. The Pony of course claimed the cookie and breadsticks for himself, and only ate a slice of pizza (with the topping picked off) if I insisted. We have no need for that cookie now. And Mrs. HM, she of the wise choices lately, has no need for a medium pizza to call her own.

I also investigated the recent special (you have to be careful, because our local Hut picks and chooses which TV-advertised specials they will honor) of any medium or large pizza for $10.00. I figured with an order of breadsticks, this would be our cheapest route. And why get a medium when you could get a large for the exact same price?

However...wise-choosing Mrs. HM most certainly does not need to be sharing a large Meat Lovers with Farmer H. While it sounds like a good decision in theory, it is not the wisest choice for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Mrs. HM loves pizza, and can't be trusted with it. Like that slutty cheerleader in 3rd period can't be trusted as a biology lab partner for your boyfriend! So...I ordered the large Meat Lovers for Farmer H, along with an order of breadsticks, plus a Personal Pan Supreme, no pepperoni, for myself.

Yes. I know that I paid $6.00 for an individual pizza, when I could have had a large one for $10.00. Money isn't everything. It's PIZZA, by cracky! WHO STOPS AT TWO PIECES? Am I right? It was the wisest choice FOR ME. I know when to stop with a Personal Pan. I know how many calories are in it. I figured I could allow myself one breadstick as well. Farmer H made sure I knew that he likes the marinara sauce. So I ordered an extra.

You know what happened, right? I picked up the pizza on the way home from my doctor FNP appointment. Once back at the Mansion, opening it up, ready to tear into the Personal Pan and breadstick...I discovered that we had ONE SAUCE. Uh huh. I paid for two. It was on the receipt. This is about the third time they've done that to me. No, I'm not stupid. I don't have The Pony riding in the back seat of T-Hoe to open it up and look for the sauce before we pull away from the window. It's too awkward for me to do it with the steering wheel in the way.

My Personal Pan was delicious, even without a breadstick. And Farmer H ate off that large pizza for three days.

Next time, I'm telling them at the window to open up that box and show my extra sauce. Three times bitten, never again shy. I'm pretty sure that's a common saying.