You'll never believe what Farmer H has accused me of now!
Last night when I went to bed, I was dismayed to see that Farmer H had all the covers on his side of the bed again. It was like that time he returned from one of his overseas spy missions. I mentioned it on my not-so-secret blog:
I walked from the master bathroom toward the end of the bed, to go
around to my side away from the door. In the dim light, I saw the wedding quilt
my grandma made for us draped from the Hick burrito all the way to the
carpet. Draped like a fine Paso Fino mane.
Magnificent in it's drapage. Which meant that my side of the bed, in
all its short-sheeted glory, was also as bare as Old Mother Hubbard's
quilt cupboard. Let the record show that when you lie on your side, the
cover should come down over your body, not end along an imaginary line
from shoulder to hip to ankle. Forget about my heart growing cold while
Hick was away. My body grows cold now that he's back.
I climbed into bed last night, resigned to shiver. This morning, I stayed abed for a while, having commandeered almost my fair share of quilt and blanket when Farmer H's body left some slack while he showered and snuck out of the Mansion to go to town for breakfast. I was so snug, I didn't want to get up. I heard him return. I made no bones about jumping up and pretending I had not slept in.
"I'm just laying here being warm. Except for my left foot. It's still cold, with that draft coming in, because you had all the covers. They were draped all the way to the floor."
"I did NOT have all the covers, HM."
"Saying so doesn't make it so. You can see right there if you look!"
"All I had was enough to cover myself. You had just as much as me. Unless maybe you're talking about the feet. I can't help it that you shove them over. Every night I straighten them so it's even. Then you do something when you come to bed."
"Huh. I have to turn the covers back to get into bed! And you're saying that I'M the one who makes them drape over your side to the floor? How can I even DO that? I'm not a wizard! You're saying I PUSH a quilt and blanket from my side to yours, so then they drape to the floor."
"HM. Don't be silly."
ME silly? How does his mind even work? I stayed in bed a while longer. When I got up, I saw that while Farmer H had been standing bedside talking to me, he had lifted that part of the quilt up and folded it back over the mattress, so it just looked messed up, rather than hanging to touch the floor.
Why do you keep trying? You can't win!!
ReplyDeleteAgain, HM, you expect waaay too much. You think he should admit he's done something wrong? You expect him to share with you, when really, his deserved share is 100% and whatever scrap of comforter he gives you should make you get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars?
ReplyDeleteBe for real.
fishducky,
ReplyDeleteYeah. But I KNOW I won't win if I don't try. Same reason I go to the casino, and play the scratch-off tickets. Okay. Last one is not such a good example, because I DO have a good record with the lottery.
Still. I can't let Farmer H ride roughshod over my life. Sometimes, it's enough that he knows that I KNOW what he's up to.
***
Sioux,
You know me, the eternal optimist, always thinking the best of everybody in every situation! I'm thinking of changing my name to Pollyanna.
I'm sure Farmer H pulled so hard on that quilt to get it over on my side so I'd be comfortable...that it went TOO FAR, and went under the bed and up the other side, where it looked like HE had it all, and I just had a scrap.
Here is what happens: When you get sleepy, your body temperature drops. So, when the man crawls under the covers, he pulls them over his shoulders to get warm. Later, after he is all warm and cozy, and maybe a little too warm, the man will use his toes to squish those covers down to the foot of the bed. In the course of the night, the man becomes cold again and to remedy this he grabs the covers edge and pulls .... from the side, thus rendering the other side of the bed nearly naked of bedding.
ReplyDeleteTime has taught me that no matter how much you complain, or how much evidence you provide, the man will NEVER admit to his shortcomings. So, I just keep my very own quilt on my side, thus preventing cold shoulder syndrome. My quilt has seen me through many a cold night and is now fraying at the edges. I keep an eye out whenever I am shopping for a bargain on a new quilt. I know I could make one, I have made a few in my time, but they are expensive to make. I would sleep much better knowing I grabbed a really good bargain, I admit, I am cheap. I am seriously thinking about buying 2 flat sheets and enclosing my quilt. You need to have your own covers!
Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI can SO imagine that scenario for the quilt ending up flowing down Farmer H's side of the bad. This quilt, made by my grandma, is now fraying at the top edge. But only on FARMER H's SIDE! He SAYS it's from his breather hose. I think he chews on it before he puts it over his head.
This is why I always wanted to use a comforter, and leave the quilt on one of our two quilt racks. Comforters are warmer, too!