Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Solves The Clues: The Case Of Surburban Noise Pollution

Today I stopped by Orb K, because THE GAS STATION CHICKEN STORE IS OUT OF DIET COKE!!! Yes! Sound the alarms! Get some assistance on the way forthwith!

I actually knew of the dry spell at the gas station chicken store. Yesterday, as I was filling my trough vat 55-gallon drum 44 oz cup at their soda fountain, some serious noises emanated from behind the machine. I knew it wasn't Oz the Great and Terrible. But I thought, you know, maybe their wastewater lines were clogged by roots or something. The street out front is always springing leaks. The infrastructure of Hillmomba is crumbling. Or maybe a prisoner had escaped from the Diagnostic Center maximum security prison two miles up the road, and was stuck in a pipe.

The clerk ran over, yelling, "Diet Mountain Dew? Diet Mountain Dew?" I forgive her for automatically assuming I needed DIET soda. Sweet Gummi Mary, that li'l gal sees me buy a soda EVERY DAY, and it is most certainly not the color of dehydrated green pee. Anyhoo, I told her no, it was Diet Coke. "You better taste it! We're running out!" It tasted fine. But I confirmed my previous insider knowledge that they would not have it up and running until TUESDAY. When their Coke supplier (heh, heh) comes with their inventory.

Anyhoo...I pulled into my regular spot by the yellow cross-striped walkway next to the HANDICAP parking spot at Orb K today. Which was occupied by an old-style Suburban. The kind that's shaped like a truck, only with four doors, and an enclosed back. Kind of a cross between a van and a truck. A boxy vannish kind of  vehicle. This one was black along the bottom, then a wide section of blue-gray, then a thin red stripe border, then more black on top. It was rusted out on the lower panels. The back had two upright doors. Not a hatch like T-Hoe or the more modern versions. And on each window of the two back doors was painted A WHITE SKULL. WITH HORNS.

Anyhoo...I saw that the driver's door was standing open, and a man, who might have looked not out-of-place seated upon a Harley, was standing there. The music was blaring SO LOUD that I could hardly think. But I DID think. I thought, "Well. That would certainly be objectionable, if I didn't like the song." Which was Can't You See by The Marshall Tucker Band.

I was a bit taken aback that this old-style Suburban was parked in the LONE handicap spot of Orb K. Differently-abled people don't often drive such a vehicle. Not that I've seen, anyway. At least not in any of the 20-odd handicap spaces over on the parking lot of Country Mart. This Harley dude didn't look like he had any mobility problems. And when I returned, his woman had climbed up into the passenger seat.

Man. That music was BLASTING. But it made me want to go home and listen to The Marshall Tucker Band. That's when it hit me. Became crystal clear. Mystery solved.

That handicap-parked dude must have been hard-of-hearing.