Sunday, October 29, 2017

The Evidence Speaks For Itself

Yes, this evidence not only speaks for itself, it practically screams to be heard. It's not bashful. This evidence has great self-confidence. It can command an audience. Especially an audience of one. One Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, in the venue of her own Mansion kitchen. This evidence could practically write its own book, "How to Alienate Kin and Influence No One."

Allow me to introduce you to The Evidence. Good thing I did not turn on the microphone built into my Nexus 7, or you would be getting an earful from The Evidence. I have a feeling The Evidence would sound like that annoying stain in the Tide Pen commercial.


The Evidence was just released from seclusion Saturday morning. Pure as the driven snow. And by Saturday evening, The Evidence had been sullied. Marked. Disfigured. Only one selectly sized sheet had been ripped from The Evidence, and that by myself upon removing my hands from a sink full of dishwater, just prior to transporting The Evidence from the bottom of the package stored in Genius's bedroom to the kitchen cutting block.

The prime suspect, one Farmer H, of Outer Hillmomba, claimed ignorance.

"I didn't leave that mark! I haven't even touched it. I never used a paper towel. I haven't even been anywhere I could get dirty today!"

Said the man who spent five hours at a flea market, three hours stacking firewood and cleaning off metal hot dog roasting sticks and carrying hay bales and hooking up a trailer to his tractor and lighting a fire. Then 2.5 hours roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, driving a 45-minute hayride, taking leftover supplies to the Mansion kitchen and placing them (with no witnesses) on the very cutting block where The Evidence was located.

Yes. I'm pretty sure The Evidence speaks for itself.
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6 comments:

  1. Sioux RoslawskiOctober 29, 2017 at 7:03 PM

    Farmer H has never lied to you. Don't besmirch his reputation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. RiverOctober 30, 2017 at 2:50 AM

    He's probably not lying about not having used a paper towel though, probably just moved the roll aside a bit, leaving the mark. Probably doesn't even realise his hands had been gathering dirt all day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousOctober 30, 2017 at 1:52 PM

    How could his hands have possibly gotten dirty just doing those few little things?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hillbilly MomOctober 30, 2017 at 5:58 PM

    Sioux,
    How dare I? Obviously, somebody broke into the house while I was at the gas station chicken store, and sullied those paper towels.

    ***
    River,
    That's a possible scenario. Making him technically truthful, but still guilty. You'd think that after 19 years of leaving a smudged ring around every light switch, Farmer H might catch on that his hands are rarely clean.

    ***
    fishducky,
    I know, right? In his mind, he was sterile enough to perform surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kathy's KlotheslineOctober 30, 2017 at 10:19 PM

    The evidence speaks for itself!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hillbilly MomOctober 31, 2017 at 1:39 AM

    Kathy,
    The Evidence is quite vocal, and an eloquent speaker!

    ReplyDelete