Dog Faze Afternoon

As if we don't have enough trouble getting packages delivered to the Mansion...now we have the neighbor dog Copper Jack staked out at the driveway, just begging FedEx to make his day.

Yes. He looks intimidating. And sounds even more so. What do you do with a dog that's not even yours? Can't tie him up. Not that we would feel wrong about it. We can't catch him! He spends all his time over here, yet skitters away if you reach for him, even in a petting mood. Well, except when he decides to snap at you. Which he has done to me TWICE, when I was giving him some cat kibble! I know Copper Jack could rip my arm off if he wanted. So I guess he was just warning me to...um...not give him cat kibble? He sure enjoys dashing over to scarf it up once I take a step back.

Anyhoo...Farmer had caught the FedEx driver (heh, heh, sounds like he set up a wooden box with a stick and pulled it out on a string to trap him, or put salt on his tail) a week or so ago while he was parking the Gator, and told him not to leave packages on the porch or on top of the dumpster, but to put them in the back of the Gator, which would be parked right there beside the garage.

They had quite the discussion, apparently, with the kid (not the man who's afraid of dogs and like to throw out the packages in the yard rather than put them in the garage like we used to request). The kid said, "Oh, so you just don't want them on the ground?" and Farmer H said, "No, the dogs chew them up," and reminded him of the Buffalo skin RFID wallet incident last year when Puppy Jack ate about a third of it and FedEx said it wasn't their fault for leaning a white envelope containing it up against our front door.

"So...I could put it on that barbecue grill you have up on the back porch?" Which is a lot more work and dog-dodging than stepping out of a truck and laying it in the back of a Gator.

"Sure. Just so it's up off the ground."

Anyhoo...we had business down in College Town with Genius last Friday, and we got home shortly after dark. As we waited for the garage door to open, I glanced over at the Gator and said, "Looks like we have a package. I wonder why he balanced it on the corner like that? WAIT! There's another one on the ground!"

"You'd better go check it. Them dogs probably been at it. I guess the wind blew it off."

The box on the ground was not small. It was about the size a toaster-oven. Not very heavy. I picked it up and put it on the bigger box still balanced on the corner of the Gator bed, and Farmer H carried them in. When I went to slice that box open later to wrap the presents inside, I noticed that one corner of the top flap had been eaten. Not just chewed. A section of cardboard was gone, with a ragged edge.

"Huh. Those dogs DID get ahold of this package! I wonder which one."

"Probably Jack!"

"It's kind of big for him. What if Copper Jack knocked it off on purpose? He's tall enough to reach it, but our little Jack isn't."

"Well, one of them did. It's a good thing we got home when we did."

Yeah. On Wednesday, I was getting ready to unload stuff from T-Hoe, with the garage door up, and UPS came down the driveway. I went out to meet them, and wait for them to hand me the packages. We don't have the lady driver who threw dog biscuits any more. Our dogs LOVED her! She'd carry the boxes up on the back porch, give two knocks on the kitchen door, and then set them on top of Juno's dog house. While tossing dog biscuits to each dog on her way there and back. I guess she retired. Now we have some guy, and he had a young gal helping him. I took the boxes and told them the Gator-drop-off plan, and they acted like they understood.

I also apologized for Copper Jack, who was barking his fool head off. "That's not even our dog. I'm not sure what to do about him, but he's here all the time." Just so...you know...if he rips a leg off, they can't sue our insurance company for their blood transfusion and prosthesis costs.

I think maybe they should invest in some dog biscuits. Surely that would be tax deductible.