I Think I Saw This In An Aliens Movie Once

T-Hoe is getting old, my friends. I won't say he's on his last legs, but just like me, every day something else seems to give out. Or deteriorate.

For the past couple of months, I've been having trouble closing T-Hoe's driver's door. I'll slide out, carefully avoiding the mud-caked running boards that Farmer H never got mudflaps to prevent (like he promised me back in 2008), and walk towards the store or house, slamming that door shut behind me. But I don't. I don't hear the CHUNK sound of T-Hoe's door closing. That's because when I turn around, I see that door hanging open.

I've known there was something amiss. That door makes a great CLUNKing sound once I climb in and pull it shut. Like it catches on something, and I have to give an extra yank as it's halfway closed. And I have to use a tremendous amount of force to slam it shut when I get out. I've brought up this subject with Farmer H several times since Christmas.

"Okay. I'll put some grease on it."

Yet nothing happened, so I brought it up again last week.

"Okay. You might have a hinge going bad. I'll take a look at it."

Yet nothing happened, so I brought it up again.

"Okay. I'll put some lubricant on it. I think I have a tube of graphite I can spray in there."

Let the record show that graphite is a mineral that is used for pencil leads. It's the element carbon, with its molecules arranged so that they slide past each other. So when you push your pencil, you're leaving molecules of it behind on the paper. Graphite is also sold in tubes. I used to have a little one to squirt in keyholes that didn't work smoothly, like on my old Chevy Chevette. Squirt is not quite the right verb. It's more like you PUFF the graphite from the tube into the lock. It's kind of powdery. I am no stranger to graphite.

So imagine my surprise when I climbed into T-Hoe a couple days later, noticing that his door opened smoothly, and saw THIS:

Not a pretty sight. Frightening, even, if you look closer.

It reminds me of those areas where the Alien stored her victims, wrapped up in webby stuff, while keeping them alive, down under the working area of the base in Aliens. Or maybe that nesty kind of stuff where a spider stores its eggs. Or what Puppy Jack was vomiting when we think he ate a bad frog.

All I can say is that T-Hoe's door works a lot better. I nearly knocked the car over a whole space the first time I got out and slammed it shut.