Because of his indisposedness, Farmer H could hardly leave the Mansion two or three times a day to head to town. He was always running back in, straight to the bathroom. He had a doctor's appointment the day before we left on Oklahoma Casino Minipalooza. When he returned, he seemed almost chipper. The doctor told him he had a virus, and to take some Pepto Bismol. I suppose he was just relieved that he wasn't wasting away from that debilitating convenience store death sentence that I, Convenience Store Mary, was spreading throughout Hillmomba.
Anyhoo...in the days between coming down with his indisposedness, and taking the Pepto Bismol, Farmer H attempted to assuage any damage to furniture from...um... leakage...by placing a barrier between himself and said furniture. Did he use something that readily lent itself to being soaked with...um...indisposededness juice? I might as well make that a rhetorical question, because I certainly know the answer, and I'm pretty sure you do, too.
THIS IS WHAT HE USED!
MY NEWEST TOWEL!
Forget the lint in this picture. It's the only photo I had of my NEWEST TOWEL, since I'm not some weirdo who goes around taking pictures of her towels. Well. More than once. I can't even give Farmer H a little bit of credit for using the dark blue one, because I'm pretty sure I gave the teal one to Genius, because he said he liked it. After all, I DID buy two new towels because Genius and The Pony and Genius's Friend were going to stay here on Christmas Eve. Guess who had to use an old towel? Yep. The Pony. Who probably didn't even notice that he drew the short straw in the towel selection sweepstakes.
Anyhoo...I got up one morning to see Farmer H arise from the La-Z-Boy, taking his tighty-whitey-clad butt off MY NEWEST TOWEL.
Let the record show that a catastrophe was avoided, as Farmer H was able to contain himself long enough to make it to the bathroom. However...a couple days later, I saw my NEWEST TOWEL folded on top of the dryer.
And I didn't see any lint on Farmer H's clothes.
Here's what you need to do: buy a stock of puppy training pads, available from pet stores, other stores, or online and inform Farmer H in no uncertain terms that these are to be used to protect furniture in times of indisposedness.
ReplyDeleteNo towels must be used! Penalty for disobedience will be harsh. Very harsh. I leave it up to you to think of something suitably harsh.
Of course you could come up with a completely different and better solution, but the puppy pads are cheapish and should be reliable and you don't have to wash them.
River,
ReplyDeleteI never thought of that! Of course, Farmer H probably never thought he'd need such a thing, either.
I DO like to contemplate assorted penalties for future disobedience, though.