Last week I made a pot of chili. There's always plenty, and we can eat it for four nights. It's something Farmer H can get for himself when he comes in from playing around on his tractor all day, or heat up before leaving for the auction.
Imagine my surprise when I ascended from my dark basement lair, and saw Farmer H sitting in the La-Z-Boy with an empty paper plate.
"Oh, you didn't have the chili?"
"I had chili."
"On a PLATE?"
"Yeah."
"Huh. That's weird."
I continued to the kitchen, and noticed that Farmer H had used the chili I had put in a small container. It originally held Hot & Sour Soup from the Chinese restaurant. A small order. This container was about the size of a tub of sour cream, or French Onion Dip, and it had only been about 3/4 full. I was actually concerned that Farmer H was too lazy to open one of the larger containers. Just settling for less, not having quite a full bowl. Then again...he didn't put his chili in a bowl.
"Is that all you ate? From the small container?"
"Yes."
"That's not very much."
"That's all I wanted."
"Huh. It was only about half a bowl. You must have had lunch out."
"Not really. I only had a hamburger from Hardees. And fries. And a soda."
"I can't believe you ate chili on a plate!"
"Well. With a hot dog."
"OH! So you had a chili dog. With a bun and cheese. And I bet you didn't just have ONE."
"I had two."
As I was getting my own chili out of one of the large containers, I noticed that the already-opened pack of hot dogs was gone.
"Hey! I thought there were four hot dogs in that pack."
"I only ate two."
"Just yesterday, there were four. Because I looked at it while I was making my shopping list. Where'd the other two go?"
"Oh. I ate them last night."
"When you got home after 10:00 from the auction?"
"We didn't eat there."
Seriously. I don't care what Farmer H eats, as long as it's not my ice cream cups. I just don't know why he can never tell the truth. He KNOWS I'm going to figure out his story. Sometimes, even though I don't really care about what he's done, I keep asking questions, to let him weave his wicked web of lies into a tight noose. Once you tell a lie, you know, you have to keep telling them, until finally you're caught.
Hasn't Farmer H ever watched Leave It to Beaver?"
If this blog was an Eagles song, my refrain would be:
I don't know whyyyy you must tempt fate
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' plate
Seriously. Who eats chili off a plate?
It would have to be some really thick chili to eat on a paper plate!
ReplyDeleteI suppose if I was having chilli with hot dogs I might put them on a plate, side by side, but not a paper plate that might fold under the weight and roll them onto the floor. I don't eat chilli anyway, and rarely have a hot dog.
ReplyDeleteProbably Hick tries not to tell you what he ate all at once because it might seem like too much high calorie food and he's got that diabetes thing going on.
Busted! I don't know why these men think they can fool us - ain't gonna happen!
ReplyDeleteAround My Kitchen Table
Kathy,
ReplyDeleteLet's not forget that Farmer H dislikes the "juice" part of soup or chili, so he dips his with a slotted spoon!
***
River,
Yes, he knows that's not good for him, and doesn't want a lecture from me. Of course, he would never stop doing it to avoid the lecture. He just tries to hide it.
***
Table,
He's dealing with the double-whammy of not only trying to fool a woman, but trying to fool a former teacher!
How does Hick eat that much food?
ReplyDeletefishducky,
ReplyDeleteHe's just extra-talented, I guess. He definitely tries to hide his light under a bushel.