Farmer H Has Trouble With His Package

Among Farmer H's many secrets is his online junk business. He's talked about ME operating such a business for him. As you might imagine, I was a less than willing participant. What, exactly, is there in it for me? NOTHING. The 10% he proffered like a carrot on a stick for this old mule was not incentive enough. I'm not checking every day to see his bids and sales and who and where and how much. No siree, Bob!

This only came to light because Farmer H said he needed packing material. "When you get some of that bubble wrap stuff, save it for me. I need to ship a light."

"A LIGHT? Where are you shipping a light?"

"To a customer."

"I thought they had to come to you and buy it. We talked about that. If you're selling online, you need to start keeping records for tax time."

"I'm just doing this one. YOU won't sell it for me. So my buddy has an account, and I use his PayPal. That's how I get my money. Actually, HE gets my money. And gives it to me."

"That seems like he's doing an awful big favor for you unless he's getting a cut."

"I only do it every now and then. On stuff that will sell better there."

"What's so special about this light?"

"It's a pipe light. A light made out of pipes. Anyway, save me that padding stuff."

"We used to have a whole roll of bubble wrap, under the coffee table. Genius got it for something. Camera stuff he was selling."

"You had all that paper the other day, that long brown paper--"

"Which you just burned yesterday. But I'll keep stuff for you."

In fact, that very afternoon, I had more packages. I saved some large air bag thingies in green plastic, and some more of that brown butcher paper. I left it on the kitchen table for Farmer H, and I noticed the next day that it was gone. So I figured Farmer H had stuffed it in his package.

"Them people at the post office are just crazy!"

"Well, of course I agree. But what specifically did they do to you and your package?"

"I took it in there, all taped up and labeled, and the guy at the counter says, 'We can't ship that!' So I said, 'Why not? It's all ready to go.' And he said, 'We can't mail that, it's leaking! There's a spot on the side. It'll get kicked out.' So I told him, 'Buddy, it's an old box. Something in there leaked before, but I guarantee you this package isn't leaking, because there's just a light in there. Nothing to leak.'

"He said, 'Well, it won't go.' Then he asked the other lady, I guess a supervisor. She looked at it, and said, 'We could PROBABLY send it, but we shouldn't.' So I went to the UPS store, and they said, 'SURE! It's just a dirty box. We'll ship it.'"

Heh, heh. If you're a ne'er-do-well, up to no good, with a package to ship...use UPS!