Building My Own Time Travel Machine Might Have Been Easier

Do I believe in time travel? No. Do I think I could build a time travel machine? No. A little kid in a Doritos commercial built one with a cardboard box and some hose from a vacuum cleaner, I think. But you know how kids are so advanced with technology.

Anyhoo... I've been on a quest for a lava lamp for The Pony's birthday. Yes. His birthday has passed. But as I write this on February 19th, we have not yet traveled to visit him. I have been trying to obtain The Pony's lava lamp since February 10th. Plenty of time, you see, since our visit was not scheduled until the weekend after The Pony's birthday. That gave me 22 days to get his lava lamp. PLENTY of time, right?

I found several lava lamps on Amazon. Picked out the color The Pony preferred. Looked at the shipping info. YES! The lava lamp would arrive between February 12-14. WAY plenty of time for me to get it, and take it to The Pony. I got an email from the seller later on February 10th, saying that my lava lamp had shipped. WHEE DOGGIES! The Pony's lava lamp was on the way!

I was a little concerned about the lava lamp arriving on February 13th, since Farmer H and I were having lunch with my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel that day. I didn't want that package to come by FedEx, and get tossed out in the driveway for the dogs to eat. I checked the tracking number, and was surprised to see that the shipping info had not been updated. Huh. I'd have to take that chance. But it did look like the lava lamp was coming through the U.S. Postal Service. Not FedEx. I was relieved, and enjoyed my Mabel-lunch.

Thursday the 14th was Valentines Day. Farmer H and I were off to the casino with my sister the ex-mayor's wife and her husband the ex-mayor. Once we finally got rid of them made sure they could get in their back door, I reminded Farmer H that we needed to get our mail, because the lava lamp would be here.

NO LAVA LAMP!

I rushed to New Delly, to see if my package had been delivered. Like when my Cagney and Lacey DVDs were delivered but I didn't have the box key in EmBee. Well. THIS time, my package had NOT been delivered. In fact, it was delayed, and now scheduled to arrive BY 8:00 p.m. on Monday, February 25th!!!

That's too late! That is AFTER our trip to visit The Pony! I swear, I'm ready to wash my hands of this lava lamp. You can bet I will leave the lowest rating and a scathing review on that Amazon seller. No, I'm not giving Seller the benefit of the doubt. I'm not contacting Seller to see if the problem can be remediated. The facts are, my package was promised between February 12-14. No heads-up was given until AFTER the 14th. From the shipping details, it looks to me like Seller sat on my package (!) for A WHOLE WEEK before even taking it to the post office! That's dirty pool! Especially considering he'd put a note on his details Friday the 15th, saying if I hadn't received the lava lamp by February 17th, to contact him. SWEET GUMMI MARY! He hadn't even taken the package for shipping until the 17th.

No way was I getting into a back-and-forth about how Seller tried to solve my problem. Nor go through the rigamarole of trying to get a refund. The first lie was emailing me that the order had shipped, when all he had done was create a shipping label. Seller is not off the hook. Send me my dad-blasted lava lamp.

Here are the details from the USPS, as of February 19th, when I set this tale for auto-publish in the future.

Tracking History

February 19, 2019
In Transit to Next Facility
Your package is moving within the USPS network and is on track to be delivered by the expected delivery date. It is currently in transit to the next facility.

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February 18, 2019, 12:26 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Origin Facility
JERSEY CITY NJ NETWORK DISTRIBUTION CENTER 

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February 17, 2019, 11:11 pm
Accepted at USPS Origin Facility
BROOKLYN, NY 11235 

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February 10, 2019, 2:25 pm
Shipping Label Created, USPS Awaiting Item
BROOKLYN, NY 11235 

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February 10, 2019
Pre-Shipment Info Sent to USPS, USPS Awaiting Item

I'm pretty sure we are not going to receive that lava lamp before we leave on February 21st. I've had good luck in the past with Amazon and their sellers. I'll consider this $21 pretty cheap for a lesson learned. Only Prime for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom now.

With that $21, I could have built a time machine (or hired a little kid to do it for me), traveled back to the 70s, bought a lava lamp at the 1970s price, and STILL had change left over to get The Pony a Pet Rock or a Mood Ring. Which I would have given to him on our designated birthday visit.