He Has Never Been Mellow

Why was Farmer H in an anti-HM mood when we started home from CasinoPalooza 4 last Wednesday? Because he didn't get his way. Because we were 7 minutes behind his rigid schedule. Seriously! Does it matter if we're 7 minutes later getting home on a 5.5 hour drive? I don't think so.

Here's the deal. He's the one who set the alarm to wake up. I always take the first shower, so he had an extra half hour to sleep in. I was on schedule, ready to leave the room for breakfast. That went fine, even though another customer was disgruntled. Farmer H had said that after breakfast, we would spend 30 minutes in the casino, then start home.

Farmer H had a coupon comp from that casino, for $10 free play upon checkout. That's nothing to sneeze at! It's $10, by cracky! He used it last time we stayed there. So I'd asked him, "Are we going up to the room to get the suitcases and check out, and then go back in and play?" That was the original plan. But once we left the restaurant, he said we'd play first, then check out. "Oh. So you'll just go through the casino and play your $10 before we start out?"

"I might. Or you can, while I get the car."

Okay. That was kind of an odd way to do it, but no big deal to me. We went our separate ways in the casino at 9:45, agreeing to meet by the hotel entrance at 10:15.

I kept a close watch on my Shaming Bracelet, which also shows me the time. I was playing one machine during that time, about halfway across the casino. If I leaned just right, and nobody was in the way, I could even see part of the hotel entrance area. That darn machine was eating my money. I just had a few dollars left in it as time ran down. I was not going to cash out that small amount, and I was not going to put in any more money. I was just playing that out. I figured the time would come out just about right.

Of course I hit a bonus at 10:14. A bonus that gave me 15 free spins. Okay. As soon as that bonus was over, I was cashing out. I was NOT leaving without playing the bonus. I immediately pulled out my phone and sent Farmer H a text: IN A BONUS.

We do that all the time. We agree to meet, and if somebody is in a bonus, they send a text. I'd say that at least 50 percent of the time, one of our party does not show up at the designated time because they're in a bonus. Including Farmer H.

For some reason, I felt all antsy during my bonus. A bonus is the fun part of the game! You win extra money! Sometimes big money. It should be a joyful experience. But for some reason, I was not enjoying this one. In fact, I almost felt panicky! What's up with that? I was not in any danger. Not exerting myself. Just sitting in front of a slot, watching the video reels turn, waiting to cash out my ticket when the bonus play was over. Whew! Finally! I think I won $120 on that bonus. I printed out my ticket, and went straight to the money machine on the way to the hotel entrance.

Huh. There was Farmer H. Pacing. Not happy.

"Sorry! I was in a bonus. I sent you a text."

"No you didn't."

"Yes. I did." I pulled out my phone. "Seven minutes ago. I just cashed out." I showed Farmer H my phone. He didn't want to look. He pulled out his own phone.

"I didn't get a text."

"How was I supposed to know that? I sent it--" Just then Farmer H's phone beeped with my text. "It's not like I could get up and leave in the middle of a bonus. I sent you a text! Not my fault it was late getting to your phone."

Farmer H turned and stomped off to the elevator. Once upstairs, he grabbed his suitcase and started for the door.

"Oh. Here's your postcard to get your $10 free play. You'll need it when you check out."

"I don't want that!" Farmer H took the coupon and wadded it up.

"Don't throw it away in here. It has your name and address on it."

Farmer H threw it on the bed. I picked it up and shoved it in my purse for later disposal. Sweet Gummi Mary! What a grand tantrum! To not even want his $10 free play because he was mad at me for being 7 minutes late, even though I'd tried to notify him in the usual way. He took off down the hall. I almost had to take the next elevator! I'm surprised he didn't start driving away before I got to A-Cad. He didn't speak a word for 4.5 hours.

In fact, Farmer H was so mad that he didn't even fiddle with the radio in A-Cad. So it stayed on the station I'd put it on when we were driving around with my sister the ex-mayor's wife, and her husband the ex-mayor. It was SiriusXM 32, "The Bridge." A station that calls itself Mellow Classic Rock. Quite the improvement from his usual station, 59, "Willie's Roadhouse."

I guess sometimes it DOES pay to be an evil sorceress who controls the airwaves.