I don't mean to violate HIPAA laws, but some background information is needed to provide the full impact of Farmer H's recent behavior.
Monday, we got a recorded message reminding Farmer H of an appointment that he made last year. I think it was necessary, that reminder. I actually would have answered, but since I'd already had 5 scammer phone calls (8 today!), I let it ring. These scammers must be getting paid overtime!
Anyhoo... this was an appointment with a specialist, in another city, near Farmer H's old workplace. Nothing is wrong with him (other than the obvious), it's just a routine appointment with a urologist. When he called to tell me he was on his way, I asked if he had to pee in a cup.
"Yeah. I have to pee. And the doctor sticks a finger up my butt."
"Oh! That's too much information!"
"It's a woman doctor, too! She does it every year."
Again, that was too much for me. I found a way to get off the phone, or Farmer H might have talked to me the whole 30-minute drive, revealing far more than I could stomach. Either he didn't get the hint, or he was in a particularly talkative mood, because Farmer H called me after the appointment, as well.
"I'm just now leaving..."
"NOW? It took 45 minutes?"
"Well, it took 15 minutes. But the doctor talked a lot, and then I went by Goodwill."
"Talked a lot? Is your butt okay?"
"Yeah. It's still there, ha ha! The doctor is looking for a house to buy. She's from around home, over in Bill-Paying Town, but she's looking for something closer to work. Her and her husband have been looking at properties. I told her backcreek neighbor Bev is selling her house, and she wanted to know all about it. I think it got listed today. So I think the doctor is going to call the realtor and ask about it. I told her it was on a gravel road. She said she has a gravel driveway right now, that won't bother her. And it's about halfway closer to her work."
Sweet Gummi Mary! Farmer H is trying to get us a new neighbor. One who sticks her finger up his butt every year.
Hey that could be handy! She could fit out one room as an office and Farmer H wouldn't have to drive so far to get a finger up his butt (*~*)
ReplyDeleteIs the house listed? Is there an online listing so I could have a look? not that I'm planning on moving, but I do like to be nosey in other people's houses. I was online yesterday looking at places for sale here in the city area, usually I look in the beach areas, but there's one place in the city, oh my! So glamorous! it's a two story penthouse apartment with no price on it so it has to be a couple of million $ The smallest room in there is a dressing room off a master suite (there are 2 master suites) and that dressing room is bigger than my current living room!
River,
ReplyDeleteThat made me snort! Then he'd have more time for a longer conversation, just shootin' the breeze after she took her finger out of his butt!
I'll have to ask Farmer H if it's listed yet, or at least the realtor. Then I could look it up and give you a link. I only look at the cheapest houses, for possible flipping purposes, but I, too, enjoy seeing what a house is like on the inside.
I once told my gynecologist that women had a rougher time than men and that I didn't know why they called it menopause. The "pause" has me concerned, shouldn't it e menoCEASE? He said we would talk after I had to have an annual prostate exam. To that I replied that we could really talk after he pushed a bowling ball out that tiny orifice. He conceded that I won. I don't want to be neighbors with someone who routinely sees that much of me!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteFarmer H would have thrown the whole KIDNEY STONE scenario in your face, since it's jagged, while a giant baby head is smooth...