We Need To Talk About The Poop Trucks

In recent posts, you might have noticed a mention of the poop trucks. If you didn't, then you are a wily skimmer who manages to glean my message without slogging through the entirety of the filler.

Hillmomba is no stranger to the poop truck. It's been around for several years now, off and on. I was happily unaware of its contents in the early years. It was just a tank truck that took up more than its share of room on the unlined blacktop county road. As with anything I don't understand, I asked the overly-knowledgeable Farmer H.

"I keep meeting this tank truck on the road. It about runs me off! It's the size of a dump truck, maybe. But with a tank that holds liquid. What would that be doing out here on our roads?"

"Oh, that's the poop truck."

"The POOP TRUCK? Like, for sucking out septic tanks? Somebody must have a real problem to have it out here all the time."

"Well, it sucks poop. But this one is hauling it from the prison. It goes up to the guy's house that we bought that rental duplex from. They dump it on his fields."

"Why would they do THAT?"

"They pay him to dump there."

"That doesn't seem right! There has to be some kind of regulation about dumping poop!"

"I'm sure there is, but he's been doing it for a while. He wouldn't be doing it if there wasn't money in it for him."

"How do you know it's from the prison?"

"I see it coming out of there, and coming here. I don't know why they don't hook up to the city sewer system. I guess this is cheaper."

Anyhoo... the poop truck hadn't been running for a while, until about a month ago. Now it's not just that tank truck, but a semi with a green cab, as long as a regular semi out on the highway, but with a long tank instead of a flat bed or trailer. These roads are barely wide enough for two passenger vehicles. I can't believe the low water bridge is made to handle a fully loaded poop semi.

After having to back into a driveway (of the poop truck acceptor's property) and go back the way I'd come... I've vowed to take the alternate route to town. I've still been trying to figure out the poop truck schedule, though. Maybe I could get up earlier, or leave later than my usual routine. Farmer H says no.

"They run all the time! Constant. That big one is coming from the next county up, towards the city. They dump one load and go right back for another. They're coming from the treatment plant. There's actually TWO of those long trucks!"

"I didn't know THAT, but I DID get behind the tank poop truck on Friday, about 1:45, on my way home. It was coming from the highway intersection, passed me, passed your Storage Unit Store, and blew right on past the prison. So I guess it got that load of poop from somewhere else. I knew it was poop, because there were some streaks of it running down the back. I went on past when it turned on our road, and took the alternate route. I didn't want to get stuck behind a poop truck if it ran into someone."

Saturday morning, I had to go to the main post office again, to mail my DISH bill, which had conveniently been in EmBee on Friday, when I had to rush by without stopping, due to the neighbor getting a new mobile home that had the road blocked for a half hour.

I thought of calling Farmer H up at his Storage Unit Store, to ask if those poop trucks ran on Saturdays. I figured he might have customers, so I took the alternate route, just to be sure. Well. As I drove past our county road where I would have come out, the green-cab semi poop truck was signaling to turn IN. So they DO run on Saturdays.

Farmer H verified this information when I told him about it later that evening.

"Yeah. I was behind it when I came home from my Unit. It was in that guy's other field, right on the road. Where they used to have cows. It had the sprayer truck with it."

"SPRAYER truck?"

"Yeah. What do you think they do with the poop, HM? They spray it over the field. I bet they won't be back for a while. I think they've probably filled up all the fields. They hook up the hose to the sprayer truck, and it drives along spraying the poop out."

"Huh. I guess the ultraviolet light will kill bacteria. But that doesn't seem sanitary. I guess it's like using manure for fertilizer. But imagine what happens when it rains! There's no containment system in that cow field, for sure! Does he have one in the regular fields? I'm really glad we live up over the hill from him. And the underground water for the well would be flowing from us to him! I bet people floating the river don't know what might be washing off into it!"

"If you care so much, put something on Facebook about it. 'I don't know why I'm seeing all these poop trucks on our road.'"

"I'm not ON Facebook. But you are. Tell your buddies. They're on it all the time. They travel that road same as us."

"Or call Channel 2 news and have them investigate."

"Nah. I'm not gonna be a poop truck whistleblower."

I've seen Silkwood! Poop isn't radioactive, but I don't think it should be disposed of like that. It's not gonna be my story to tell.