The Attempts Keep A-Comin'

Oh my gosh! I've left you out of the loop! It's been two posts since I last complained about Farmer H trying to kill me. That doesn't mean he isn't trying. Only that I've skirted the topic.

In keeping with Farmer H's penchant for dictating my work (for him) ethic... he tossed an extra job into the mix during the same 24-hour period of the list of 16 prescriptions to the insurance rep, and the Trunk or Treat sign for his Storage Unit Store cronies.

This time, Farmer H was trying to kill me (I'm pretty sure) with electricity. Actually, the cessation of electricity. He declared that we needed the electrical hookup doodads removed from our upper 10 acres, which we'd been renting free to HOS (Farmer H's Oldest Son). I don't know if Farmer H is worried about a squatter moving in and connecting, or what. That service is not now and never was in our name, so it's not like we'd be paying anything if that happened. I'm sure HOS didn't leave it on. A dude Hick knows who works for Ameren UE came and disconnected it when HOS moved to town.

In fact, Farmer H had asked his electrical buddy to come do this removal. The electrical buddy said he'd need to have an order from the company to do so. Farmer H called the electric company, and they listened to his whole story, and then said, "We can only do that with a request in writing." Farmer H was a bit shocked (heh, heh, get it, he was SHOCKED by the electric company), but immediately said, "Oh. I can do that." With a look at ME.

The form was sent by email, but I could not get it to fill out to send it back by reply. So I had to download it and print it. The bottom line needed a signature. So I had it all ready for Farmer H's John Hancock. That's ALL he had to do. Sign it. I'd been up late, trying to get that form in the proper form. Using Farmer H phrases like "disconnect power from meter mast." Of course he was in bed at the time it was done.

As with other important notices that I must communicate to Farmer H between the hours he goes to sleep and leaves the Mansion... I made a paper plate note to leave on the bathroom counter by his glasses and morning medicines. Since I needed to be up early (earlier) the next morning, I put that reminder at the top of the plate:

MAKE SURE I'M UP BY 9:00

Farmer H does this every Friday anyway, gives me a wake up call. It's not like this was a hardship for him. He sets his phone alarm as a reminder, and calls. Under that notice, I drew a dividing line, and wrote:

SIGN AT THE BOTTOM, AND I'LL MAIL IT TODAY

I positioned the folded form, showing the signature line, on the bottom of the plate. Both messages were clearly visible.

Imagine my surprise when I awoke at 9:38. Sweet Gummi Mary! I had to get hoppin'! There was medicine to take, dishes to wash, the boys' letters to be stamped and enclosures added, and my shower to be had. Of course while I was washing the dishes, I started getting texts from The Pony. He inherited his father's ability to see through the phone and choose the very worst time to communicate.

So busy was I that Farmer H did not even receive a scathing sarcastic THANK YOU FOR THAT WAKE UP CALL.

I rushed around like a madwoman. Left home at 10:50 rather than 10:30. Forgot my regular post-office-morning route, and got caught up in the construction project over by School-Turn Casey's. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure was not yet regulated by the late-taken medicine, and that my eyes were bugging out like one of those Panic Pete stress dolls.

Lucky for Farmer H, I survived my stressful morning, and he was not charged with attempted murder for causing me to stroke out. His excuse?

"You didn't tell me to wake you up!"

"It was on the paper plate!"

"I didn't see that."

I dug the plate out of the trash and showed him.

"Oh. I didn't say that it wasn't there. Just that I didn't see it. I saw the form and signed it. I didn't read the rest of the plate."

Trying to kill me. I'm pretty sure...