I whined because I had no toilet seat lid, and then I met a gal who had a new toilet seat. Oh, wait! THAT gal was me, too!
Sweet Gummi Mary! Farmer H got out his drill and installed the new toilet seat when he got home from his Storage Unit Store on Saturday. Oh, how I rue the day of complaining about having just a seat with no lid on my toilet. I would gladly take that lidless seat back.
The new toilet seat is plastic. I guess I could make do with plastic, if it had the same shape as the old toilet seat. But no. This new one reminds me of a FUNNEL! The rim of the seat is not simply an oval smooth shape that supports an ample rumpus evenly. No. It is slanted toward the inside. Are you pickin' up what I'm layin' down? The seat rim slants inward. My butt is not used to that. I find it uncomfortable and annoying.
I think the old toilet seat was made out of pressed wood. It was sturdier. Solid. Smooth. Same with the lid. When it was open, you could lean back comfortably. Like when I'd return from The Devil's Playground on a 98-degree day, and lean my bare back on it for cooling purposes. Ahh. So refreshing. This thin plastic lid also has a little rim around the edge. Who wants to lean on something like THAT? Not this ol' gal. No siree, Bob! Besides, if I'm sweaty, that lid will stick to my back when I lean forward to get up. It's thin and unsubstantial, unlike my sturdy pressed-wood lid.
Dang it! I can't believe such a cheap toilet seat cost so much! I don't care if it costs $100, though, if Farmer H can find a seat like the old one. According to him, this was the only toilet seat he could find in the correct shape and color. I'd send him somewhere besides Lowe's, but I'm afraid he'll take out a new credit card.
Walmart has the wood toilet seats. I hate the plastic ones, too. Do not try to sit on the closed lid, it will sag inwards, making you feel like you might be falling in the toilet!
ReplyDeletePlastic ones. I know what you're talking about. I like something more substantial, too. Those plastic ones... I'm worried my wide rump will make it crack in half--and wouldn't that be horribly embarrassing if it happened at someone else's house!
ReplyDeleteI think you need to buy one yourself. Think of it as a present to yourself. Then ask Farmer H to remove the new one, and replace it with the newest one.
Or, how about the basement bathroom? Can you get into the habit of using it more than the master bathroom (except at night)? Or, is there another bathroom on the main level you could take over as yours?
And are you SURE Farmer H is not a good seat picker? Most men can rummage and pick at their rear end like they're digging gold.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteI only sit on the closed lid if I'm serving time while waiting for my lovely lady-mullet to take on color. Now that Farmer H spends weekends at his Storage Unit Store, I roam freely about the Mansion instead.
This morning I looked up the wooden seats, and saw that THEY ARE ONLY $20! Even LOWE'S supposedly has them! I know I bought the last replacement, and it came from Walmart. Something is fishy here...
***
Sioux,
It's SO uncomfortable. Like the raised rim cuts off circulation to a nerve. In the front of my thigh-backs, NOT in my ample rumpus. I actually think the plastic might be less likely to crack than the wood. The downstairs NASCAR bathroom has a wooden seat, which is still going strong, never been replaced. It's the round shape, though, and not the oval. Farmer H used a cheaper toilet down there.
There's the boys' bathroom, at the other end of the house. I was never in a habit of using it because...well...BOYS! It might even have a plastic seat, but I know it isn't this contoured/slanted kind. I use it when Farmer H is hogging the master bathroom.
I am planning to look for a new seat when I go to The Devil's Playground this week. Farmer H will put it on if he knows what's good for him! This torture contraption can be a spare.
As for RUMPUS-PICKING, that's one bad habit that Farmer H does not flaunt.
Out here most toilet seats are plastic, probably the same type you now have, but I don't know why Farmer H would need a drill to install it. The lidded seats come with two plastic screws and two plastic wing nuts, the screws slide into the holes at the back of the toilet pan and then you reach up and put on the wing nuts. easy-peasy. The seats are actually much sturdier than you'd think. Also non-porous, so more hygienic. A wooden seat, you have to make sure there aren't any cracks to pinch your bum, or to soak up any accidental splashes and grow hordes of unwanted bacteria.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteNOW Farmer H says he didn't use a drill, only a screwdriver! But I distinctly heard the sound of a drill! I though he was using it for the screws. You know, a hand-held screwdriver that works like a drill, with a battery pack for power. He says he only used a regular screwdriver. Pretty sure he's trying to make me think I'm crazy before he kills me.
The wooden seat is coated with some shiny coating that gives it the correct color. So no seeping. It's not like our thirsty porch boards! Never had that kind of problem until one cracked, and then we couldn't use it anyway due to the pinching!