Having spent two days plus overtime in a car with Farmer H, you can bet that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has heard just about enough from him. Our trip to visit The Pony at college was 9.5 hours each way. Let the record show that there is no such thing as a silent Farmer H.
THE most annoying habit of his (let's narrow that down to SPEAKING habit, so my brain doesn't spark a fire trying to decide on his most annoying habit overall) is his way of chuckling condescendingly at the beginning of a reply to me. Even for statements that need no reply.
I can't pull up a list of all his comments this trip. I'm not some cyborg with a scan feature. The most annoying was the most recent, only 60 miles from home, after having endured SO MANY other such comments over three days.
Farmer H had pulled over near a state park. We'd seen two deer grazing near the road, which he excitedly pointed out. And then ten more deer across the entry drive. But that's not why Farmer H pulled A-Cad off on the shoulder. Nope. He had to wee-wee. I opened up my door to give him privacy from oncoming traffic, but he opened the rear passenger door as well. Oh, he didn't stand in between the doors. So I guess traffic that came up behind us got a glimpse of the goods.
Anyhoo...with my door open, a mosquito flew in. I hate mosquitoes. Especially one trapped in a car with me for 60 miles. I saw it clearly, silhouetted against the front windshield, its pointy proboscis, and crooked legs. I tried to smack it between my hands, but it skittered away, and I THINK I crushed it against the windshield with my knuckle. There was a slight smudge that could have been it, though hard to see in the misty 46 degree weather on the other side of the glass.
Farmer H climbed back into the driver's seat, and I said
"There MIGHT be a mosquito in here. One flew in, and I think I smashed it, but it might have gotten away."
"Ha ha ha. A MOSQUITO? I doubt that. There aren't any this time of year."
"Are you saying I'm too stupid to know what a mosquito is?"
"Well, I sure haven't seen any around lately."
"I didn't think I'd see a ladybug on the kitchen doorknob this time of year, either. But I did."
"Whatever. I doubt that was a mosquito."
I hope Farmer H wakes up with itchy welts all over his face.
He's a chuckler? Oh no! I hope he gets bitten too. I hope that mosquito found its way inside his shirt and feasted well. Unless you did actually manage to kill it.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteI really do think I killed it. I didn't see it fly away after the knuckle-press against the windshield. It wasn't on the back of my finger, though, and not stuck on the windshield. They're pretty insubstantial. I might have just crushed it into dust and hair-like legs.
However, Farmer H's condescending chuckles made me wish that I had captured that critter, to let it loose to feast upon him and prove him wrong.
Is there some company that sells mosquitoes for labs that are doing research on bug repellant? If so, perhaps you could buy a small jar of live mosquitoes. Then, you could let them loose in his truck, close the door, and wait for them to feast on him the next time he has to go somewhere.
ReplyDeleteOf course, since there are no mosquitoes this time of year, all those itchy bumps will be just his imagination...
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like a cruel thing to do to mosquitoes. Even the lab experimenting kind.