The Newer Apple Rolls Down The Trunk Of The Tree

Farmer H cannot deny the parentage of Genius and The Pony. Not that he'd want to. They've done plenty to make him proud. Of course, that was through traits they inherited from Mrs. HM! They also exhibit tendencies that could only have come from Farmer H himself. Remember "The Great POT Controversy?" How Genius did not follow through in putting away Mrs. HM's pots he used to brew up a batch of beer?

The Pony also has a controversy.

Friday, I took The Pony to buy some shoes. While we were in Bill-Paying Town, he said he'd like to have Captain D's for lunch. That solved my dinner dilemma. It was already after 2:00, so I decreed that The Pony could indeed have Captain D's, and that it would act as his Lupper. Lunch-supper. Then I wouldn't have to cook when I got home, and we could get something for Farmer H to eat before he left for the auction.

Farmer H chose a Giant Fish Sandwich. The Pony had Fish & Fries, plus 4 breadsticks. I had a Fish & Chicken Dinner, taken home to eat when I had all my upstairsly duties completed.

At the time I descended to my lair, thankfully with the strong legs of The Pony to carry down my tray and magical elixir, Farmer H was not yet home. The Pony had eaten his meal in T-Hoe on the drive home. He had left two hush puppies.

"I'll leave these hush puppies for Dad."

I took them out of the foam container, threw it away, and left the two hush puppies on a stack of napkins, on the cutting block.

Saturday morning, with Farmer H away at his Storage Unit Store, I noticed the stack of napkins (greasy from the hush puppies), still on the cutting block.

"That's just like your dad! Eat the hush puppies, but leave the napkins there for ME to throw away! I can't believe him! As if anybody is going to want those greasy napkins! He can't throw ANYTHING away! He's such a hoarder! It's getting worse and worse! I'm so sick of--"

"Mom. Dad didn't eat the hush puppies."

"Then where are they?"

"Thrown away."

"That's even worse! To throw away the hush puppies, but leave the napkins!"

I went off to town for my 44 oz Diet Coke. When I came back, I rushed around to make a deep dish Chef Boyardee pizza for The Pony and Farmer H. The Pony loves the breadiness of the crust. I make it whenever he comes home. The Pony helped me get things ready, by handing me bowls and vegetable oil and opening the can of sauce that came with the pizza kit. I'm pretty sure he was just helping in order to get to that sauce can sooner. Like some kids lick the bowl after cake batter is poured, The Pony gets a serving spoon to scrap the dregs of pizza sauce from the can.

Anyhoo...after he'd retired to the living room with his can of sauce (don't get me started), I noticed that the napkins were gone from the cutting block.

"Well. I guess Dad finally threw away his napkins."

"I did that while you were gone. When I came in to get water."

"Oh. Thank you for throwing away Dad's napkins."

"Um..."

Farmer H was sitting in the La-Z-Boy, having come home while I was away.

"I can't believe you threw away the hush puppies, and left the napkins!"

"I didn't throw away any hush puppies. I just ate my fish sandwich."

Then it dawned on me. The Pony had either thrown away those hush puppies, or decided to eat them himself. HE was the one who'd left the greasy napkins on the cutting block. And let me blame Farmer H for several hours, until he sensed that his crime was slowly being uncovered.

We'll call this one "The HushED Puppy Conspiracy."