Excuse me. Just a minute. I'm busy shining my fingernails on my lapel, getting ready to take a bow when I'm awarded a patent, and most likely a trophy, national recognition, and a high-dollar contract. I have discovered the perfect cure for c o n s t i p a t i o n !
Just ask Farmer H. He doesn't know I'm the one who perfected this remedy. It requires no pills, no powdery mix, nothing shoved up the nether region. In fact, the sufferer need do nothing at all, except what comes naturally.
Farmer H had been complaining that he was trying to poop. Surely it could not have gone on for more than 24 hours, from the looks of my toilet seat. Anyhoo...he bemoaned the fact that he sat down to try, and was unsuccessful.
Well. Flash to the next day. 1:30, to be exact. When I was readying for my shower, I cleaned the toilet in the master bathroom. It's not going to clean itself, you know. By the time I returned home from town at 3:00, it was obvious that Farmer H's problem was cured! Nothing on the seat this time. He left his tracks in the bowl.
Just like LAST WEEK, within hours of me cleaning the toilet. Only last week, his evidence was left high and dry above the water line. How did he DO that???
I wonder if my skill is transferable. Probably so. I could market the solution on a tiny slip of paper inside a bottle that looks like over-the-counter medicine. It would be marketed for MEN ONLY. The instructions would recommend that the wife or significant other should clean the toilet. Relief should come to the afflicted man within two hours.
I don't think you'll get rich from this idea, too many men might decide to start 'holding on' until wifey cleans the toilet, and Wifey's all over the country will start telling their men to...well, I don't know exactly what they'd say. Far better to do something to frighten the man enough to "scared the shit out of me" to use an Australian term, often used in a near miss collision event, or when a girlfriend suddenly buys a pregnancy test.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm sad to hear that my scheme will not make me rich, I'm also excited to try the method that you recommend. I CAN be very scary!
I think most women already know this trick ...
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteI guess I'll have to rely on my Future Pennyillionaire Fortune then, to compile my riches.