Sweet Gummi Mary! If only I'd realized this before! I discovered a way to jolt Farmer H into action!
I might have mentioned that there is a problem with the toilet in the master bathroom. That problem being that it does not like to flush in a normal manner. Lately, it has been taking 3 flushes just to get PEE to swirl down the drain! That is not what I expect from a toilet. Of course I accuse Farmer H of making a more substantial deposit. But even when I'm home alone, such a performance occurs at random intervals.
While The Pony was home, he occasionally used our bathroom to take a soak in the big triangle tub. I know he used the toilet. Because when he heard me complain again to Farmer H about the flushage, he dared to take Farmer H's side!
"It works, Mom. You just have to hold the handle all the way down when you flush."
That's EXACTLY what Farmer H tells me every time! I swear they are in cahoots. I have held that handle down until my finger contracted arthritis! It STILL only works after 3 tries.
Wednesday night, I was livid. LIVID, I tell you! As a lady of advancing years, who sips on 44+ oz of Diet Coke throughout the afternoon and evening, I find it necessary to arise throughout the night and use the facilities. I DO NOT expect to have to turn on the light, and flush 3 TIMES to get rid of PEE. To make matters worse (if you can imagine that's possible), when I got up after Farmer H had left the Mansion, I discovered that it took 7 FLUSHES to finish my business.
Seriously! That is not acceptable! Think of the waste of water! Sure, it comes from our well, and seeps back into the aquifer from the septic tank for nature's recycling. But it shouldn't happen. Not in a civilized world. Oh, I'll take 7 flushes over traipsing through the great outdoors to an outhouse. But not happily.
So disgusted was I with this charade that I sent Farmer H a text:
"I guess I'm going to have to call a plumber for this toilet."
OMG! OM-FREAKING-G! I had a response before a single minute had passed!
"I'll look at the toilet and get a new flush unit."
It was as if my words had lit a fire under Farmer H's ample rumpus! Like I'd applied electrodes to his nether regions. Like I'd impaled his side with a thorn.
Oh, how I wish I'd known the power of those typed words three months ago.
I know why Farmer H was so threatened.
ReplyDeleteHe's afraid of the infamous plumber's crack. He's afraid you'll get a gander at part of a man's misshapened, hairy rump, and you'll leave him for hairier pastures...
If you left him, he wouldn't have the fun of killing you via those clever schemes he's cooking up.
Did he say WHEN he was going to look at the toilet and get that new flush unit?? because I'm imagining it to be done already, but if he dithers, go ahead and call that plumber, you have my full permission. it's the type of situation I wouldn't put up with for more than a day or two, I don't know how you do it.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteYes! That would be a waste of good scheming. Farmer H is SO SELFLESS! Doing repairs around the Mansion himself, so that I cannot become a CRACK addict!
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River,
That's the thing. He did NOT. In fact, I called him after the 7 FLUSHES, to point out that it had just taken 7 FLUSHES to suck PEE down the drain. Farmer H snapped at me that HE SAID he was going to get a flush unit! And I told him that I had no idea if it would be TODAY, or six months from now, as T-Hoe is STILL waiting for his leaky tire to be fixed.
That might be the reason for my quick flush fix. It was easier than getting a tire repaired.
THE FLUSHER WAS WORKING WHEN I GOT HOME FROM TOWN! As an extra bonus, Farmer H was just leaving the Mansion.