Times
are tough here in Hillmomba. With his recreational outlets closed,
Farmer H is crazier than usual. It seems to have invaded his dreams. Get
a load of THIS!
FARMER H IS PRETTY SURE I'M TRYING TO KILL HIM!
Heh,
heh! What's bad for the goose is bad for the gander. Maybe it's his
guilty subconscious talking to him in his sleep. When I returned to bed
from a bathroom trip, and he was getting up for one...Farmer H broke the
silence of the dark, and said,
"Whew! I was having a
dream that you was trying to kill me. You and your boyfriend. You was
hittin' me in the head with a HAMMER! We was over by the UPS Store and
Little Caesar's. I grabbed you by the arm, and ran you down to the
police station. Once we got there, I tried to tell them that you were
trying to kill me, but YOU TOLD THEM I WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU!"
"Well, if you made me run to the police station, you were OBVIOUSLY trying to kill me!"
"YOU were killing ME! With a HAMMER!"
Farmer
H went on to do his business while I made myself comfortable in the
marital bed. He's a flopper, that Farmer H. Like a jolly good fellow
being tossed in a blanket. He jounces me out of my comfortable position.
If we tried that wine glass test on a mattress, it would shatter against the
ceiling as Farmer H flopped on his side. He has also been waking me
up lately, shaking the entire bed like he's having convulsions. I
mentioned that to him.
"Yeah. Sometimes I wake myself up doing that. Maybe I AM having convulsions."
Anyhoo...I'd
just gotten back to sleep. Suddenly, I was vaulted about three inches
off the mattress by one of Farmer H's flipping flops.
I SO wanted to mutter, "Where's my hammer?"
For the sake of a sleep-stealing argument, I let it go...
Have you seen the series "Tiger King"? I have not, but I've heard it is addictive... and from the sounds of it, it will invade your brain, leaving no room for anything else.
ReplyDeleteHow big of a chipper do you have?
I think the convulsions need looking into, is he epileptic at all?
ReplyDeleteFunny about the dreams though, both of you trying to kill each other.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteI have not seen that Tiger King thing. I've been wondering what in the NOT HEAVEN it is, what with all the media about it in the last week. I don't have my own personal chipper. I imagine it would be hard to rent one these days, and Farmer H can't buy me one at an auction (heh, heh, wouldn't that be IRONIC) because they're closed.
***
River,
He is NOT epileptic. Just kind of jumpy and spastic. Like if you stretch really hard, and your limbs start shaking. He used to kick one heel on the mattress on random nights. Quite annoying. THUMP THUMP THUMP!
It's almost like we're projecting...