Tuesday, March 3, 2020

Might As Well Tattoo WELCOME On My Forehead

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is a doormat. I try not to complain (heh, heh, except here on my supersecret blog). I meekly put up with the lemons life slips me in a bag of limes. I'm not a boat-rocker. I figure everybody encounters an unfortunate incident every now and then. Yet I am continually trod upon! Like a multi-colored, wildly-patterned casino carpet on a first-of-the-month Saturday night.

Monday, I stopped by the deli counter of Country Mart, looking for some lunch that I didn't have to prepare. I had in mind some chicken tenders. Perhaps a BBQ pork steak. Farmer H was heading to the auction mid-afternoon, and would grab something there. So I was happy to grab some LUPPER, to count as my lunch/supper.

The unfortunate thing about lupper is that grocery store delis are not down with that! They put out hot food at lunch. Then at supper. So I found their food case sadly reminiscent of Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard. There were side dishes, which I didn't want. No mashed potatoes or green beans for me. Only the entree. Two chicken livers were not enough. The only other choice was fried chicken.

You know I love fried chicken. That would do. The 8-piece is the best deal. It comes with 2 breasts, 2 thighs, 2 legs, and 2 wings. A full chicken! Nobody was at the deli counter. Including workers. That didn't matter, because I saw three bags of 8-piece chicken already bagged up, in the warmer. I remembered last time when I asked for an 8-piece, and that guy pointed out the bagged version.

Well. You don't have to shame me twice. Besides, I didn't want to wait around and hope for an employee to show up. There's no bell on top like at the post office counter. It was already 2:30. Getting almost too late for lupper! By the time I got home and put away my groceries, it would be 4:00. Almost supper time.

I took a bagged 8-piece. Paid. Got some scratchers and 44 oz Diet Coke. Headed home.

Sweet Gummi Mary! My 8-piece chicken had a mastectomy!

I looked through the pieces, to get a breast and a thigh. My 8-piece chicken contained 1 breast, 3 thighs, 2 legs, 2 wings. I had a Frankenchicken!

I know, I know. NEXT time, I'm going to wait at the counter and demand an 8-piece put in a bag while I watch. Maybe THAT'S why the 8-pieces are bagged now, instead of put in plastic trays with a clear top. So people can't see what pieces they're paying for!

4 comments:

  1. I'm guessing someone else earlier asked for an 8 piece but needed three breasts, and only one thigh, so the left over thigh went into the bag you chose with the missing breast being enjoyed by someone else. Personally, I wouldn't care so much as long as there were 8 pieces in the bag as promised.

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  2. River,
    No, they won't do that. An 8-piece must have those pieces if you ask for it. Otherwise, they will charge you per piece. Each "appendage" has its own price. Breasts are the most expensive.

    However, they could have had an odd number left when bagging up the last of the tray, before bringing out a new one. People can order a dinner, with whatever piece they want, and two sides. So the appendages don't always come out even.

    Surely you would mind if you got 8 wings and nothing else!

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  3. That's true, 8 wings would be something to complain about. Here the bagged BBQ chickens are just whole chickens. Years ago in a different store you could ask for a half chicken and they would take a bagged one and cut if up the middle, then rebag both halves, one for you and one to go back in the warmer clearly labelled and repriced as a half. I don't know if they still do that, I haven't asked in years. I just buy a whole chicken and share it with a neighbour, and when he buys a whole chicken, he shares with me.

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  4. River,
    I get whole chickens from The Devil's Playground deli. We like the lemon pepper version. I hack it in half so Farmer H knows that he has his pieces, and I have mine. No more of that pretending he doesn't know the difference between a thigh and a breast! It won't matter, since his portion only has one of each.

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