TO MAKE MRS. HM'S LIFE MORE DIFFICULT!
I only went to Walmart for those special items that Farmer H forgot or couldn't find or said they didn't have. Like the Pepcid and other stuff that escapes my fading mind right now. Just because I found those special items did not mean my day was going to end up in the plus column. Or break even.
As I climbed out of T-Hoe to start my trek through the maze that is the people-herder these days, I popped a butterscotch candy into my gaping maw. That's because it was already after noon, and I hadn't eaten yet, which is a common occurrence, but I generally don't expend one iota of excess energy. Traipsing through the Playground for an hour might require sustenance, lest I get that light-headed feeling.
Of course I was reminded of a recent quote of Dr. Nowzaradan, the undisputed star of My 600 lb Life, who seems to have a fan club on Reddit who regularly post paintings and drawings and posters of him dispensing his words of wisdom. Anyhoo...a patient who was about to drop out of Dr. Now's program because basically, she wanted to have her cake, and eat it too, and then tell him she never ate cake...was on a teleconference with Dr. Now. She said that she was afraid that she couldn't survive on his 1200 calorie per day diet. And Dr. Now told her, "Your body has enough food stored to last you for the next seven years." Facetiously, of course. But this lady failed to see the humor in his remark.
Anyhoo...that's what I thought of as I popped in my butterscotch candy, heh, heh. By the time I came outside, that candy was almost dissolved. I still had a little sharp thin disk that was just about ready to crunch. But then the wind blew my shaggy lovely lady-mullet so that it whipped around my face, and stuck to my sticky lips, and then A SINGLE LOOSE HAIR got into my mouth!
You know that you can't just go sticking your Devil's Playground fingers all willy-nilly around your piehole during a pandemic, right? You have to get home and disinfect your hands like you're about to do surgery. Perhaps a gastric bypass on a 600 lb starving patient! So I had to sit in T-Hoe, munching on my sharp butterscotch treat, and that single hair. Which I was SO HOPING was my own! It eventually worked its way out and onto my lip, where I wiped it off with the collar of my shirt.
Anyhoo...from there I went to get my magical elixir to calm my nerves. Sweet Gummi Mary! I had the 44 oz foam cup under the Diet Coke spigot, adoringly observing the flow of my fake-sweet, fake-sweet beverage, when the spigot spluttered! And started coughing out FOAMY WHITE LIQUID!
The clerk said she would fix it for me! I told her I didn't want to take up her time, but she insisted. She went to the back room, and returned bent under a box of Diet Coke mix like one of the 7 Dwarfs. Perhaps Grunty. It looked really heavy, but she got me set up. Then she tested it, which left splotches of brown liquid on the counter. I said I would wipe it up. She protested, but I insisted, telling her it was a habit (of course from cleaning up after Farmer H) from 28 years of teaching. And that this was not nearly as bad as a desk full of fingernails, or used bandaids on the floor, or that stringy snot under the edge of a desk.
You may recall that this was the same trip when the bank took my dollar but didn't send out my two rolls of pennies, asked me for ID to withdraw my own money as I've done weekly for 20 years, and the pharmacy would only give me one of my three prescriptions.
That pharmacy story gets worse. I'm STILL trying to get my prescriptions, even after a
It's possible there's a shortage on some prescription items and that's why you can't get them. I had to settle for the generic Asmol instead of the brand Ventolin for my inhaler. It does the same job but tastes different and I don't like it. Glad you got your diet coke though.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteThey've been short before, a couple years ago, and gave me five pills with a note to come back for the rest. That was not the reason this time. Also, my old pharmacy used to switch suppliers depending on price, so the pills looked different, but they were just another generic form of the same stuff. Didn't bother me, since I just swallow them.
At least your inhaler stuff still works for you. I had to try a generic when it first came out, and it made my hands and feet swell, and made me lethargic and short of breath. I think it worked TOO well! It was a heart-slower beta blocker.
You know, HM, there is something worse in your mouth than a hair. Read on...
ReplyDeleteI saw a news story about one adult wheeling another adult around in a shopping cart in a Walmart. The one in the cart had their legs hanging out the rear end of the cart. And, the adult in the cart was barefoot... AND was clipping their toenails while being wheeled around.
As I read this, I could just imagine the toe nail shards flying all willy-nilly into the air.
Thankfully it did not identify which Walmart. Perhaps it was the one by you?
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteEEEEEE! I have an equally (to me) horrifying story, but it will probably be on my not-so-secret blog in a few days. Let's just say it involves feet.
If that clipper was in MY store, I'd have to disobey the direction arrows to make a fast escape! Now I have the word SHARDS stuck in my head before bedtime!