As a shopper, Farmer H is battin' .500. He came home with half of the four items I had specifically requested. The ones he'd taken a picture of to be sure. In fact, he took other pictures inside the Devil's Playground. Pics or it didn't happen that they didn't have it, I guess.
"I didn't get your acetaminophen. I asked the gal, and she said they was all out."
"Okay. It's first of the month. People are hoarding."
"And I didn't get your powder, either. The drink stuff. I asked a gal there, too, and she said they was out. I took a picture of the shelf. See?"
"I don't have my glasses. But I'll look later. I bet I'll find it! But that's okay. What's THAT?"
"This? It's you acetaminophen."
"You just said they didn't have it!"
"They had it. That was your other stuff."
"You mean the fake Pepcid."
"Yeah. That. And I got your deodorant. It looks like the same stuff."
"Yeah. From here it looks all right."
"Okay. I'm going over to the BARn."
"Wait. Where's my Diet Coke?"
"I didn't get any. You didn't say you wanted it."
"I put SODA on the list! You got Diet Mountain Dew!"
"Yes. Because I needed soda."
"You ALWAYS get both kinds! Last time, you said, 'I didn't know if you needed Diet Coke, but I bought one anyway.' And today, you DIDN'T?"
"It wasn't on the list. I'm going to the BARn."
As the kitchen door closed behind Farmer H, I called out,
"WAIT! What's your hurry? It's not even the time of day when we discuss the most recent things you've done wrong..."
HM--Do I need to get on a donkey and sing, "To Dream the Impossible Dream" for you? (That is another song you could rewrite.) You are tilting at windmills. To put four things on a list, and expect him to get all 4 PLUS something that is your life elixir but is NOT on the list?
ReplyDeleteMadam, you be crazy.
Be happy that he didn't back down the aisle in such a willy-nilly way, he rammed his rear end into someone who had stopped mid-aisle... resulting in a sexual harrASSment charge. Be happy.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteSweet Gummi Mary! The list said SODA. EVERYBODY knows that soda means the collective soda. All soda needed for the household. It didn't say YOUR SODA, or MY SODA. If only one kind was needed, it would have been listed as Diet Mountain Dew, or Diet Coke. I didn't see a need to waste ink, or the limited lifetime motions of my arthritic claws to write out both specifically.
I count myself happy that Farmer H didn't shove his cart into some lady's cart, like Fonzie taught Richie how to meet women in the store!
MY impossible dream is to ONE TIME be recognized for all I have done and continue to do to keep this family out of the poorhouse, fed and clothed, with boys contributing to society, rather than sucking from the public teat. So yes, I'm an impossible-dreamer.
What good is a list if they are going to just get what they want and to hell with the rest of it? I have had about all the togetherness I can handle!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteYou're preachin' to the choir! Way back when we were first married, in the days before cell phones, I sent Farmer H to the grocery store (about 3 miles away) with a list. He came home with NOTHING on the list, having spent $35 (those were 1989 dollars!). He said he lost the list. Among the items he brought home were cookies and ice cream.
Right about here is when I'd be giving up and always doing my own shopping. How could he get his own soda and not get yours?? Tsk Tsk.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteFarmer H has only done the shopping a handful of times. I just didn't want to go in the Devil's Playground with all their current tomfoolery. So I DO appreciate him buying his own soda!
I fixed him! Today I bought my own soda, and some for The Pony, at Country Mart's inflated prices.