In The EmBee Sits A Box-er

He is just a poor man
And his story's often told
He would squander my inheritance
On a boulevard full of themed sheds, and his donut treats
All shots and tests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest 

Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie
Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie...

On Wednesday, we had only one piece of mail in EmBee. It was a white box. Larger than the box a set of new checks used to come in. Smaller than a Puffs With Lotion box. It was addressed to Farmer H. I know how Farmer H loves a surprise gift. Or anything FREE. I was also sure that this was not a gift.

The Box bore the name of Farmer H's supplemental health insurance provider. And another company they've partnered with. I'd gotten an email saying that it would arrive soon. And that it contained a preventative health screening kit.

I don't know about you, but I'm leery of tests that come in the mail wanting your blood. Especially one that includes "Global Turnkey Solutions" as part of the return address. I smell a fresh conspiracy in the making.

Farmer H did not yet know about this screening kit. I figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. I arrived at the edge Wednesday evening. Of course Farmer H was excited about unboxing his FREE gift from his insurance company. After all, the last time he got something was about a month ago, and it was two lime-green face masks.

Farmer H uses Humana for his insurance supplement. The label said this was their preventative health screening kit, partnered with Everlywell, to help him monitor his health. The Box contained a self-test that he could do at home, by sticking his finger and dabbing his blood on a card, and send back. In his case, it was an A1C test. He routinely gets that test at his doctor's nurse-practitioner's office.

I was happy (as happy as Mrs. HM gets) when I heard Farmer H exclaim, "Why would I want to send them my information?" He closed up The Box and set it on the floor. I was giddy with joy.

I didn't want him to fall victim to another Humana-partnered mix-up, and become one of a pool of 600,000 people erroneously notified that he tested positive for the VIRUS!