Sunday, July 5, 2020

My Feet Are Revolting

Every step you take and every move you make
Every bone you break, every stride you take, I'll be hurting you
Every single day and every cry of "Hey!"
Every blame you lay, every night m'kay, I'll be hurting you
Oh can't you see, you've done wrong to me
How my poor toe aches with every step you take
Every move you make, and every "Yow!" you fake
Every pile you rake, every thirst you slake, I'll be hurting you

After all the complaining and maligning I've done of FEET... now my feet have rebeled! Revolted! Do you hear that?

MY FEET ARE REVOLTING!

Old blind wobbly people who get up at night to pee very two hours should really turn on a light. Or find some exercises to improve spatial awareness. Or train their nightly-soaking son to push the bathroom door all the way against the wall.

I hit my left pinky-toe with the bathroom door! Hit it hard enough to bend it backwards! The little piggy who goes WEE WEE WEE all the way home. Not the door itself.

The Pony doesn't need a lot of room to exit the master bathroom after his jet-abuse of the big triangle tub. The door is sometimes partly closed. Farmer H does not close the door when he goes to the bathroom. I DO! So when I walked into that bathroom when I came upstairs, it darker than the inside of an ink vat at midnight... I grabbed the edge of the door to close it. It was closer to my foot than I imagined, and I pried that pinky-toe away from the side of my foot with the edge of the door.

That was last week. I'm pretty sure I broke that pinky-toe. Assuming it has enough bone inside to break, of course. My pinky-toe is really just a little stub of a thing. I sometimes think it's just a flap of skin tacked onto the end of my foot. It's squishy and plump. Has a toenail. But bending all the way back like that makes me think it doesn't contain a bone.

Of course I knew it was hurt right away. Knew it before I could feel it. That's because the nerves from your feet to your brain have quite a long pathway to transmit that electrical impulse of pain. It's like seeing the lightning before you hear the thunder. You know it's coming. But sometimes you're not prepared for the magnitude.

The next day, my pinky-toe was PURPLE!

It's not like I could do anything for it. There's not quite enough toe to tape it to the next one. When I walk on that foot, the PURPLEY-TOE kind of rolls sideways and under the next toe. My foot swelled up. Putting that PURPLEY-TOE in a shoe was not pleasant. Not even in a CROC!

It's slowly getting better. Still painful. Not as purple. It doesn't hurt enough to keep me from a casino trip mid-week...

6 comments:

  1. Are you sure you also don't mean "revolting" as an adjective, in this case?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sioux,
    Make of it what you will. I am not above being ambiguous.

    The most glaring question, though, is HOW CAN YOU NOT MENTION MY SONG RIP-OFF???

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm pretty sure the only thing that would keep you from a trip to a casino would be a coffin. With you in it. I can see you now, elderly, in a nursing home, hooked up to machines and being loaded into a vehicle to go to the nearest casino.
    Perhaps you could wrap tape around that part of your entire foot to include the purple toe until it doesn't hurt anymore?
    I remember spraining my two middle toes, about 4-5 years ago now, I felt the pain immediately, because I'm short, so there's less distance for nerve ending to travel. I still occasionally get twinges from the area just behind the toes on the top of the foot.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have that song in my head now and I'm turning on some ABBA to get rid of it. My younger daughter with the same name as you calls that the "Stalker" song, (every move you make, every breath you take,I'll be watching you)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh. That one was too easy. The Police song, a song that lots of people thought was a love song, but instead was the exact opposite.

    ReplyDelete
  6. River,
    Heh, heh! The coffin made me chuckle! I used to see wheelchair people with oxygen tanks. Not so much any more. That was my threat to my boys when they were young, and misbehaving. "Just wait until I'm old. One of you will have to push my oxygen tank through the casino, and the other one will have to clip my toenails."

    My sister the ex-mayor's wife said she saw a HALF WOMAN in a casino! She was on a stretcher like EMTs use, being wheeled around to the slots.

    Sorry about your toes. Not sure if I'm sorry or happy that you can feel the pain sooner, from being short!

    ***
    River 2,
    I hate that song! But not as much as I hate "ROXANNE." That has to be the worst song ever recorded! I even prefer "Fish Heads" to "ROXANNE."

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-K2DZojWi0

    ***
    Sioux,
    I am definitely not a fan of The Police.

    ReplyDelete