Farmer H brought home some bacon. I don't know where he got it. Sometimes, it's better not to ask. It was called Peppered Bacon. You could see through the wrap that it was coated with black pepper. Not my style, but I figured french-fry-peppering Farmer H and The Pony would really enjoy it.
I readied a roaster pan with potatoes and carrots and onions, sprinkled in Hidden Valley Ranch powder, and draped that bacon over the top. Gotta say, bacon makes delicious roasted vegetables!
As I was peeling away the bacon slices from the slab, I counted them. It was thick-sliced bacon. I didn't notice if it was a pound, or more. This bacon came in a rectangular shape, all slices stacked on the other. Not a flat pack where you can see parts of each slice all fanned out. I prefer to count up the bacon, and know how much you're dealing with for the meal. Especially when feeding carnivores.
There were 20 slices of peppered bacon in the package. I kind of wove it so that all slices got some exposure to the heat. Only a few slices later needed to go back in the oven. I figured that Farmer H and The Pony could have 7 slices, and I could make do with 6. Whether we decided to eat them at one sitting, or save some for later, that was an individual choice. I've found over the years of feeding 3 carnivores that it's best to let everyone know up front the size portion they are allowed. This prevents a Mr. Grant incident with Veal Prince Orloff like at Mary Richards' dinner party.
When it came time to eat, I called Farmer H into the kitchen first.
"You can have 7 slices of bacon, and as many vegetables as you want."
"Okay. One...two..."
Farmer H started talking to me about something else as he was counting out his bacon. Then he went to the recliner, and The Pony bellied up to the stove with his plate.
"Okay. So I get 6, right, because I ate a slice at lunch?"
"That's right. Then there should be 6 left for me."
"Um. Mom? If I take 6, there are only 3 left for you!"
"WHAT? That's impossible. HEY! Did you take more than 7 slices of bacon?"
"No. One two three four five, and I have two slices on a piece of bread."
"Huh. That's weird. There were 20 slices. I counted them as I took them out of the package. The Pony ate one with his lunch. So somehow, we are missing 3 slices of bacon! Did you eat some when you came in before supper? When it was stacked on the plate in the fridge?"
"No. I didn't eat any bacon."
"Pony?"
"Only that one piece you saw me take at lunch with my vegetables."
"Huh. Well..."
"Here. I'll only take 4. And you can have 5. I have a lot of vegetables, and some rolls with cinnamon butter."
"Okay. Thanks. But I can take 4."
"No. It's okay."
Seriously? HOW DOES BACON DISAPPEAR IN FRIG II? Somebody is a secret bacon-eater. My bet is on Farmer H. I think The Pony would admit to it.
Of course it was Farmer H, the Baconater. Do you think as he was talking to you about something else, he took two pieces when he only counted one number--and then he did it again?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure if you asked him, he would have no memory of getting extra bacon. After all, filling up on bacon-y goodness is a man's right...
My bet is on Farmer H too. Anyone who sneaks donuts when he knows he shouldn't is suspect when it comes to missing bacon. You need to start hiding things under a towel ala Mrs Cranky.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteOf course he did! I think Farmer H miscounted. But he MIGHT have come in and taken a couple pieces out of FRIG II and munched them, while I was in my lair. It does not help his case that he routinely lies about having donuts, the amount of donuts, eating a candy bar every time he gets gas, etc. The Pony is lucky that he doesn't have more stitches than a baseball's hide, since he has always been my snitch!
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River,
I DO need to try that tactic! Or wrap it in foil and put it on the back of the bottom shelf, like my old teaching buddy Kellie used to do with her chocolate Easter bunny to hide it from her husband.