No Help For The Wheezy

Here we go again. The Pony was being horsey while I tried to talk to him about a serious issue with my computing! He sat on the long couch, leaning over the coffee table while munching on an storebought Italian Sub that I had bought for Farmer H at Country Mart. Shh... Farmer H doesn't need to know that he got a ham and cheese by default. I felt a little bad when Farmer H asked, "Is that all that's on it? Ham and cheese?" when I asked if he wanted some sliced pickle and onion and tomato.

 

Anyhoo... Farmer H left for the auction, The Pony was then free to flaunt his Italian Sub, and I broached the subject of suddenly being unable to access the public Facebook pages of my daily news sources. Namely the local newspaper, county health center, and a St. Louis news station.

 

"I think they all set their pages to MAKE you have a Facebook account. If it was a Facebook problem, people would be complaining about it all over the internet. And it doesn't sound like a problem with your cookies or our internet connection."

 

"That's hard to believe, that all of them made that decision last night after midnight! I can't even get the pop-up box anymore that lets me say 'not now' and read anyway. My Firefox updated a couple days ago. But it won't work in Internet Explorer, either. I'd text Genius, but I'm pretty sure that on a Saturday night at 7:00, he won't be interested in helping me."

 

"To be fair, he probably wouldn't be interested in helping you no matter what day and time. I think you might as well set up a Facebook account. That will solve the problem."

 

"I've never been on Facebook, and I'm not going to start now."

 

"Then I guess you won't know what's going on in the news, and how many VIRUS cases we have now."

 

"I guess I could do a fake account. Couldn't I? What will I need?"

 

"I'm pretty sure that's against conditions you have to agree to when you sign up."

 

"Oh, like nobody in the world has a fake account!"

 

"You'll have to have an email account and a phone number."

 

"Is that all?"

 

"Well, I'm pretty sure someone like you won't go in and actually set up the other stuff on the account. But that's all I'm telling you! I will NOT help you do something that's against the rules!"

 

"Excuuuuse ME! All I want to do is read stuff on public pages! They don't need to know anything about me! Didn't I used to have a third email account? Way back when I had another blog?"

 

"Yes. You did. And the password was ------."

"YES! I remember it now! And I think my user name was ------."

"I am not going to help you! I never even cared about anything on the internet. You even MADE me get a phone back then, to call you after practice for academic team."

"Oh, too bad you didn't have more of an interest in speaking up for yourself, to avoid that MANDATORY cell phone! If---"

And this is when I started to get the Muttley wheezy laugh. I could NOT get out my sentence. The Pony ignored me, taking bites of his Italian Sub, and swigs of his ice water in the metal cup I had originally bought for myself.

"Heh, heh... if you... had... oh! I can't! I can't get it out! I don't want you to choke when I say it! If you... feel like you are going to choke from laughing... just feel free to spit the food across the carpet. It won't matter... with the wax melted in it... heh, heh..."

The Pony kept taking quick bites of the sandwich, because I wouldn't try to tell him while he was chewing. Then he'd swig some water, and take another bite before I could talk. That did not help my wheezing.

"Oh, oh... I can't! My chest hurts so bad it feels like it's in your dad's body!"

I saw The Pony's lip corners begin to curl.

"Aha! You're laughing! What I was... going to say..."

The Pony tilted his head back, and opened his mouth, while trying not to grin. I couldn't tell if he was going to spit out the food, or trying to choke himself!

"I was going to say... ah... ah... if you'd been more forceful, maybe you would have SAID SOMETHING... heh, heh... when I drove away with you dragging one foot on the pavement, HA HA HA HA!"

"Mother! I was NOT dragging one foot on the pavement. I was climbing back in after you sent me to look for Genius in Newmentia, and you DROVE OFF, and I had both feet on the running board, trying to hold onto the open door with my hands!"

"AH HA HA... HA HA HA... you should have SAID SOMETHING!"

Poor Pony. He's had a hard life. But I don't know why he would hold that against me and not help me get my daily dose of news now...