Better By Comparison, But Not All That Great

Thursday morning at 8:30, I had my own doctor nurse practitioner appointment. It was better than Farmer H's experience, but not by much.

 

A series of unfortunate events sent the entire Hillbilly family along for the ride. Not that I minded. Farmer H had originally planned to drive me anyway, and drop me at the door. Good thing! It was raining cats and dogs! Soaked, dripping, drowned-rat-adjacent cats and dogs. So I was let out under the covered entrance like a royal princess who might melt if she got wet.

 

Farmer H, and his speedy, always-leave-early ways, got me there at 7:55. Even though I was told by message to get there at 8:20. A few people were walking in. I assumed they might have lab work, because I don't think appointments start until 8:30.

 

I climbed out of A-Cad and strapped on my Kansas City Chiefs mask. It's my favorite. That's like having a favorite bed-of-nails, or a favorite bamboo shoot under your fingernail. Inside, I followed the arrows on the floor, and stood on the waiting circle, until a temperature gun was shot at my head, and I answered the standard VIRUS questions. I was slapped with a sticker that said I'd been scanned. THEN I was asked where I was going, and motioned towards the elevator.

 

A lady and her near-7-year-old boy were getting on. They held it for me. I stepped way to the back corner. The Boy asked what floor. Second. Same as them. On our short ride, The Lady said how crazy this was. I agreed. The doors opened, and The Boy stepped out, turned around, and held his arm across the close-y part so it would stay open for me to get off. Wasn't that sweet? Maybe there's a new generation that will actually care about people.

 

I went to the window and signed a tablet agreeing to treatment and insurance charges. Handed over my newest insurance card. Then asked if they needed my debit card. I almost fainted when the gals said, 

 

"No. We're not taking co-pays right now."

 

I was so shocked that I forgot to ask why not. Later, Farmer H said it's because they don't want to touch money, that money is filthy. I argued that so is a debit card. He said no, that a debit card has only touched MY filthy hands, but that cash may have touched a thousand filthy hands. To which The Pony chimed in, 

 

"Or been up someone's butt."

 

Too much information from The Pony. Anyhoo... I still don't agree with that, since few people pay with cash, but instead use plastic or check, for their records. I think some grander scam is going on, if hospitals are supposedly losing money. Surely they would jump at the chance to collect their rightful share of the fees for an appointment.

 

I went to sit down. It was 8:10. A lady registered after me, and was called right in. Maybe she had an 8:15 appointment, or maybe she was the FIRST 8:30 appointment. They got me within a couple minutes, and stored me in an exam room. I waited and waited, hearing what sounded like a party on the other side of the wall.

 

At 8:35, a nurse came in to take my vitals, ask why I was there, bring up my prescriptions, and say that the NP would be there shortly. Her concept of shortly is different from mine, that mainly being the SHORT part of shortly.

 

Again, I heard laughter, chatting, muffled words I couldn't make out. Sounded like a reunion. At 8:50, the noise moved to the hall outside my door. 

 

"Yes. I saw him getting in his truck, and I said, 'You look good.' But he didn't think so, and was kind of grouchy, saying he was going to work. But later he said sorry if he hadn't waved at me a couple mornings."

 

"Yeah, he's like that. Anyway, I'll see you."

 

"Take care now."

 

"Love you, NP!"

 

Seriously? I don't talk to NP like that. I guess he was related, or a neighbor. He even switched the diagnosis code from a well visit to something else, he said, due to an issue discovered during their chat. Not sure how that shakes out in the scheme of payment options. Conspiracy alert!

Anyhoo... NP came in and I told him about my prescription snafu last time, and he made a big show of moving my prescriptions from one side of the wall-mounted computer screen to the other. Saying, "I'm doing it now. I'm showing you." Not in a smart@ss way, but making that point. So I hope nothing gets messed up this time.

Oh, and of all the times for him to send me for the blood test, this was the day, when he was running behind, and Farmer H and The Pony were waiting in A-Cad for me to come out so we could go vote. But I agreed, since last time he skipped this part. Don't wanna die of toxic medication buildup!

 

When I mentioned I was on my way to vote, NP said, "Oh, over by the morgue?" Well. I guess so. No telling what that place used to be when the other hospital was open!

Up I went to the third floor, where the lab is located. Four people ahead of me. I swear they took 10 minutes between blood-suckings. It was 9:10 when I got out of there.

She used the RED stretchy gauze this time. I prefer the lime green. Anyhoo... when I took that off, there was no mark at all on my inner elbow. Even though The Pony said he saw a small black dot. From the back seat. Wearing glasses. As I type this, I have a tiny bruise the size of a hat-pin head. Not at all painful, probably due to taking an aspirin every day and taking longer to clot.

The voting part of the adventure is coming up tomorrow...