We took a road trip on Thursday. As usual, Farmer H was quite popular on the radio. Not the ACTUAL radio in A-Cad. The one that plays a local country station for Farmer H, and SiriusXM for me. It was Farmer H's PHONE programmed into the radio.
Who came up with THIS bit of torture? Probably someone like Genius. It took The Pony to show Farmer H how to use it, and to set it up. So... we'll be driving along, jamming to some hick tunes, when BRRR comes on the radio. Like an old-time phone ringing, muted. The screen goes to black, with two little rectangles you can touch to ANSWER or DECLINE. Texts also come in. They will read themselves if you hit the right rectangle. There's even a list of replies to touch. If you dare.
Then you have to figure out how to get back to your radio menu. All while sweaving along at 70 mph on an interstate highway with cables on one side of you, and encroaching semi trucks on your right. I think I lost one of my 9 lives today, when I commanded Farmer H to WATCH OUT and look up from that radio call and HONK as the middle of a semi was attracted to my DEATH MAGNET. It swerved back within its own lane after the honk.
Anyhoo... Farmer H had a text from Back-Creek Neighbor Bev, wanting to know if he'd found something for her. I didn't understand A-Cad's computer voice, but Farmer H did, and he knew what Bev was wanting. I wish Bev had just hiked over from possibly parking in her sleeping van past the BARn field, and left a note under a rock on the front porch.
The next call was from a buddy wanting to know if he had any new guns. Farmer H did. So he answered the call and arranged a time (in his busy schedule) for a viewing.
THEN a business acquaintance sent a text asking Farmer H to loan him $100 for medicine over the weekend. Farmer H did not reply directly, but his out-loud response was "No."
"This guy buys guns from me. He's usually selling something to get money. I'm not loaning him $100."
"I guess you might as well say you don't care if he dies, Dad."
"It's not THAT, Pony. I can't be loaning people money. Maybe it's really for medicine. But he needs to make other arrangements."
"Yeah. Because if you do it once, he might depend on you to do it again. And again. And when you can't, THEN he'll die. So you might as well let him die now..."
"It ain't about the dyin'. But yes, he would think he could depend on me to do it every time. And I can't."
The last call (before we reached our destination), was from Farmer H's Cancer Girlfriend. She asked what he was doing on Friday. I'm always leery when somebody asks that. Are they needing a favor, like helping them move? Or do they have special tickets to an event you'd love to attend? You never know how to answer. You could set yourself up for a lot of work, or derive great pleasure if you're available. Farmer H truthfully said that he had a doctor's appointment, and she said, "Good." Guess we'll never know what she had in mind otherwise.
Just so you don't go out and buy yourself a mourning outfit, or put a deposit on some flowers... the Medicine Guy sent ANOTHER text on our way home.
"I was going to let you hold my .22 until I pay you back the $100. Since I'm thinking about trading it to you anyway to buy another gun."
Farmer H said, "Hit the answer that I'll call him later. I could do it if I have the .22. It's worth more than $100."
Always the businessman, sometimes the pharmaceutical savior, our Farmer H.
Rides with Farmer H sound more exciting than the scariest roller coaster. With trips like that, you don't need to go to amusement parks.
ReplyDeleteBusiness while sweaving down a highway?? I might die of fright.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of money/medicine (pain drugs) swapping going on here with my closest neighbours and more than one tantrum if one of them runs out of something and none of the others can help out because they are also running short. Always at night :(
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteI swear, it's more dangerous for him to fiddle with that radio phone/text setup than to pull his phone out of its holster and tap at it for Voice to Text. I hate roller coasters, but they're probably safer that Farmer H's driving. One of these days, he's going to Griswold us under a semi truck.
***
River,
Don't forget how Farmer H tilts his head back to drink bottled soda while going around curves! I hope Lola would lend you a life or two if you ever had to ride with Farmer H.
I don't know what this guy takes. But Farmer H gave him the $100 and took the gun. Which Farmer H says is worth $150.