What The Hard-Of-Hearing Man Heard

I should have known our trip would be as ill-fated as the three-hour tour (three hour tour) of the S.S. Minnow! Okay. Maybe not that bad. But still not pleasant. All due to Farmer H being in a mood.

It had been two weeks since our last casino trip, and Farmer H agreed to drive us 90 minutes for an afternoon of money-losing and fried-food eating. The Pony and I were excited; an-ti-ci-pa-a-a-tion was making us wait. We chatted about what slots we would play. Whether we would enter the slot tournament for free. 

Farmer H groused about his lady down there not having any guns for him. He buys them at a couple of pawn shops in that town, and she saves the good ones and gives him a little discount, because he's a regular buyer and takes several at a time. The lady's adult son, who works in the shop with her, took a couple months to warm up to Farmer H. The Son didn't want to sell to Farmer H if his mom wasn't there. He said he could get more money for the guns, even though The Mom had quoted a price to Farmer H, initiating his drive down there.

Anyhoo... Farmer H was just grumpy. When I heard about the no guns to buy this trip revelation, I was ready to tear my lovely lady-mullet out.

"Wait! So you're not dropping us off and going to look around at the pawn shops?"

"No. Nobody has anything for me. Guns are hard to find these days."

"Probably because you've bought them all up!"

"No, HM. I haven't bought them all."

"Well, this is not good. You'll be in the casino at least an hour longer than usual. You'll run out of money, and not want to stay until the regular time. They've changed the slot tournament hours, too. Instead of registering at 1:00, and starting at 2:00, you can't register until 2:00, and they start at 3:00. When do you want to meet for lunch?"

 

"How about 2:00?"

 

"Okaayyy... we usually meet at 2:30."

 

"2:00 is better."

 

So... Farmer H dropped off The Pony and me, then went to park A-Cad. We were having a good time, and met by the front of the only open restaurant for lunch. More on that on my not-so-secret blog. After eating, The Pony trotted off to play more slots, while I finished eating, and Farmer H sat there fiddling with his phone.

 

"So what time are we leaving?"

 

"Same as usual, I guess. I don't know if I'm going to enter the slot tournament this time. I'd rather just play slots and not waste time in line for that."

 

"Okay then. What time?"

 

"Like usual. I'll meet you up front at 4:30."

 

"Okay. The Pony ran out of here without even asking when we're leaving."

 

"He usually finds me while he's roaming around. I'll tell him."

 

Farmer H stacked up the trash and cleared the table. He's good at that. We went our separate ways. I kept an eye on my phone for the time. So I knew how much time I had left, and to determine how much I was willing to spend, and what slots I wanted to play on. I was pretty much set on one machine, since it was the only thing that had been paying me all day. 

Like I said, I kept an eye on the time. I knew I'd need to allow five minutes to walk over to the cash-out machine and get up front. I was actually pretty close, just two rows from the front of the casino. At 4:20, The Pony arrived at my shoulder. 

"Dad sent me a text asking if we were in a bonus."

"I am NOW," I said as that very spin launched the Wonder 4 Rising Fortunes bonus on Buffalo Gold. "I didn't get a text. I'll let this play out. Tell Dad I'll be there as soon as it's over. Then come back here, and you can take my ticket to cash it. You're faster than I am."

I cashed out the bonus (not great, but $50-something), handed my ticket to The Pony, and hobbled up front. Farmer H was sitting on the very chair where I had taken a picture of the front of the casino the last time we were there. He was fiddling with his phone.

"Okay. The Pony is cashing out my ticket. I'll go over to the bathroom, and meet you out front."

"I've been WAITING for both of you! I finally sent a text to see if you were in a bonus."

"Yeah, that's what The Pony said. I didn't get one. I've been checking my phone every few minutes, to make sure I was on time."

"You said we were leaving at 4:00!"

"No I didn't. I said 4:30. That's the time we always leave. We got here at the same time we always get here. We spent the same amount of time eating lunch. Just a little earlier. We don't have anything we need to be home for. So why would I say we'd leave earlier?"

"I don't know, but you DID. You said we'd leave at 4:00, and I've been waiting."

"You didn't object when I told you 4:30, when you asked after lunch."

"You told me 4:00, and I've been here waiting for both of you!"

With that, Farmer H stood up, and started jabbing his finger in my face. Not cool.

"Just because you have a mask on, don't think people can't tell what you're doing. We're on a lot of cameras, you know. Stop poking your finger at me! It is JUST NOW 4:30, and I'm here, and that's the time we agreed on."

"I don't care WHO'S watching! You said 4:00!"

Welcome to the life of eternally put-upon Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Farmer H is all the time pitching little fits over things he SAYS that I've said, when in fact, his version bears only a passing acquaintance with the facts. 

Too bad I didn't have The Pony as a witness this time. Once I got settled in A-Cad, I saw that Farmer H's text had finally come in. Sent at 4:13. Asking if The Pony and I were in a bonus.

 

I made use of my silent ride home to get in a 40-minute nap before we commenced to sweaving on the blacktop pig's trail.