In answer to that question, probably her 9th grade English teacher. Because something tells me the title should be asking WHOM should Ms. HM sue. Oh, well. I'm pretty sure he's kicked the bucket by now. He was no spring chicken back then. And we SO enjoyed spending our 50-minute class period watching Wordsmith, which was a PBS program about word roots and their origins and meanings. At least I was thrilled. Perhaps my fellow freshmen not so much. I was even sorry to miss out on some episodes when I got sent home for having the measles. In 9th grade. Before those vaccinations were all the rage.
Anyhoo... I am less than pleased with some companies and entities lately. I'm making a list, and rather than checking it twice, I'll probably be adding to it. Here's the gist of it. With specific complaints.
FedEx: Lying incompetent employees know how to DELIVER a package. They just don't know how to deliver it to the RIGHT ADDRESS.
The Store Brand Olive People: Pack their olives in a circular pattern, making them SO HARD to get out of the tall narrow jar. At which time you notice that about 1 in 5 has no pimento stuffed in the hole. Oh, and there's at least one per jar that still has the PIT inside.
Ginger Evans Cherry Pie Filling: Save A Lot needs to fire her butt toot sweet! [That's technically tout de suite, but I'm not French.] Yes, I know that's a made-up entity and not a real person. But I wouldn't be surprised if ol' Ginger Evans is in cahoots with the olive people. Because her filling is filled with PITS.
The Country Mart Pinwheel Makers: Oh, I'm happy to find pinwheels for my lunches again. But now the makers have altered their ratios. If I want a salad, I'll buy a salad. Not a pinwheel that has more romaine lettuce rolled up in it than any other filling, including the half-a-tomato that still has that green center part in it that's crunchy. No way should a tomato be crunchy. Only the romaine. Both of them should be just a hint, with the meat and cheese taking the forefront.
The Pony: For taking my winning scratcher every day! Let the record show that I give him "charity." I allow him to choose ONE ticket from my purchases. For the past two days, he has chosen the WINNING ticket! $10 the first day, and $15 the next.
The Casino Attendant: Who got all snotty with me when I hit the CALL ATTENDANT button because a slot machine would not cash out my ticket. More on that elsewhere.
Farmer H: Give me a reason NOT to sue him!
These lawsuits may never see the light of day. But it's a less harmless fantasy than some alternatives involving sharp implements.
How about bringing a suit against the grocery stores that get you hooked on a product... and then they discontinue it? (Aldi's and their salt and pepper potato chips. Trader Joe's and their milk chocolate-covered cocoa almonds.)
ReplyDeleteHow about bringing a suit against lingerie lines (like Hanes) that make underwear that fits my fat rear end and labels it "grand" or "extra large"? I know my derriere is wide, but I've seen waaaay wider and plusher rears... and if I'm an extra large, what are they?
How about bringing a suit against production companies that drop all 16 episodes of a show at one time, making the viewer binge like a zombie, unblinking, for hours and hours?
Oh, I could go on and on, but you'd probably tell me to shut up after I was still ranting for a solid hour...
A pity about the olives and cherries .... I couldn't help myself. I would be mad about the pits, too. Maybe you can write a scathing email to them? HeWho and his always close proximity is starting to wear me down. He needs a hobby. One that will give me a break!
ReplyDeleteRegarding the cherry pie filling, I watched a TV presenter on Better Homes and Gardens last week as she made a cherry pie which looked a LOT like Joanne's crostata and she tipped in a full bowl of cherries, but nowhere in the episode did she mention having pitted the cherries or that viewers trying this at home, should pit their cherries!
ReplyDeleteWhich brings me to today when I went to my shed and searched a few boxes of stuff and unearthed my own cherry pitter, because our stores are filled with fresh-off-the-trees cherries now.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteLittle Debbie needs to be looking over her shoulder, after tempting me with those little cherry-centered chocolate covered whoopie pie thingies! Haven't seen one since. I was going to mail Genius some for his birthday and Christmas. Guess I shouldn't have eaten those two boxes! Finished the last one about 3 days ago.
The size of underwear above yours is AMPLE RUMPUS. Perhaps there's also an AMPLER RUMPUS, and an AMPLEST RUMPUS. I hope I don't need to find that out.
I'm pretty mad at Showtime, for giving us that series with Kirsten Dunst called "On Becoming a God in Central Florida." Now that it hasn't been renewed, I'll never know what happened. I was hooked from the moment she butchered the gator in her garage for meat. The one that killed her husband, causing her to take over his pyramid scheme sales business.
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Kathy,
Yes, a PITy! Maybe you could give HeWho the hobby of checking for, and removing, the pits from storebought olives and cherries.
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River,
Oh my gosh! I hope people were smart enough to remove the pits! Maybe that gal gets a kickback from a dentist.
Farmer H likes fresh cherries, but they're too tart for me. Reminds me of a childhood story which I might get around to one of these days.
River,
ReplyDeleteIf you are looking on your map, we are about 90 miles northwest of the casino town I mentioned on my other blog. More north than west. 55 miles north on a major highway, and the rest west on a lettered highway(s). Our town has two names, which start with B and T. I think you'll find it. More clues if you don't!
I shall open my huge atlas and start searching :) I may even have a look at the area via google earth, another hobby of mine.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteSOMEBODY needs to keep an eye on me!