Robbery Attempt At The Liquor Store: Ample-Rumpused Woman Makes Off With $105

Friday I stopped by the Gas Station Chicken Store for my 44 oz Diet Coke. I cashed in a $60 scratcher winner, and got some $3 scratchers for myself, a Bingo, Crossword, and Gold Mine. The Pony wanted one of the new $30 scratchers that came out on Monday, and five MegaMillions draw tickets. The jackpot was $480 million.

 

Since I'd bought my own new scratcher $60 winner there the day before, I did not get The Pony's ticket. I figure a loser would be ready if I bought again so soon. I had plans to go across the street to the Liquor Store for it, and to get myself more tickets, especially a PacMan that I can't find anywhere else these days. 

 

I stuffed my winning change into my shirt pocket, and headed over there. Let the record show that The Pony had given me $40 to cover the cost of his tickets. I had the two twenties right there in my shirt pocket, having used my winnings to pay for his draw tickets. I knew I would get it back when buying at the Liquor Store. I was going to spend exactly $40 there, after cashing in a couple more winners.

Lest you think this is a math problem, I will plainly list my ticket purchases after I handed the gal (the little FRIENDLY one, not the hateful hag) my two $5 winners.

$30 new ticket

$5 Crossword

$5 PacMan

$9 Bingo, Crossword, Gold Rush

$1 new ticket

See? That adds up to $50, but I was cashing in two winning $5 tickets. I owed $40 as planned.

While standing there, I was momentarily discombobulated by a PENNY under the counter. So I took a picture and fished it out. As the gal was tearing off my tickets, which I'd asked for by their numbers in the ticket case, I remembered that I forgot the $1 ticket. I don't usually buy them, but those $3 tickets make me come out uneven.

"Oh, and add on a number 24, since I have a dollar left. Might as well spend it all!"

The gal scanned the tickets, and pushed them across the counter to me.

"Yes, that's right. It's $40 even now."

"Okay! Thank you!"

I turned to leave. Had hobbled a couple steps, actually, when Little Gal said, not unkindly,

"I mean you OWE me $40."

SWEET GUMMI MARY! I was SO embarrassed! What am I, some kind of lottery novice? Of COURSE  I owed her! Scratchers aren't free!

"Oh! I'm sorry! Here!" I pulled the two folded twenties out of the front of my shirt pocket. I'd intended to do that all along. I had them ready! "I just cashed in a $60 winner over at the Gas Station Chicken Store--"

 

"Congratulations!"

 

"Thanks. I guess I was thinking, since I handed you those two winners, that I had covered it with my winners! Good thing you caught me before I made my getaway! Sorry about that."

"Oh, that's all right. You have a good day. Good luck!"

"Thanks!"

Well. I DID have good luck, despite trying to steal those tickets! The Pony won $50 on his new ticket, and I won $40 on my PacMan, and $15 on the three-dollar Crossword. We raked in $105 after spending $50 ($40 after deducting the winners I cashed in).

Yes. It was a good day for winning, but a black mark on the permanent record of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, who really does not have a long rap sheet, despite being Public Enemy #1.

Heh, heh! I doubt I could have made a clean getaway, since I travel slower than a Galapagos Tortoise riding on a snail's back. Little Gal or the customer behind me could have nabbed my ample rumpus before I got to the door. You'd have to be in a coma inside an iron lung to be outrun by Mrs. HM.