Oh, yeah. They also know how to ACCEPT PAYMENT for an order! They're missing the part where I am entitled to the item I PAID FOR!
Sweet Gummi Mary! As if I didn't have enough trouble getting that parcel, the one I ordered December 5, that was shipped December 8, and arrived on December 28. It contained Niecy Jr's light-up unicorn, plus four gifts for The Pony. OR SO I THOUGHT!
We opened it at the kitchen table, after I carried it in from the lock box by EmBee. Since Christmas was already past, I didn't see the need to wrap those gifts for The Pony. I sliced through the tape, pulled out the unicorn box, and told him to have at it.
Wait a minute! The Pony was only pawing over THREE items! I snatched the shipping list. It plainly showed the unicorn, plus FOUR other items, all for The Pony. I quickly deduced that the missing item was a book called Strange Science. I was NOT happy! I showed The Pony the list.
"See? I've been telling you the truth! You had FOUR gifts coming late. Now this one isn't here. I'm so mad! Now I have to deal with that. Maybe you'll still be living here when it eventually arrives! IF they even send it!"
I looked at the instructions on the list. I could CALL the company. Or send an email. Yeah. I wasn't about to waste my time on HOLD on the Monday after Christmas, with a company who took three weeks to get my order to me. But no way was I going to forget about the hassle, and just forget about the missing book. Sure, it was only $6.75. But it was for THE PONY! He was already enjoying his Strange History book, which said that Mozart or some famous old-timey composer was obsessed with FARTS!
I sent an email with all the pertinent information and code numbers off the shipping list.
The next day, I got an email:
Thank you for contacting XXXXXXX!
We have received your email and a representative will respond as soon as possible. Our email response time is 2 business days.
In the meantime, our helpful FAQs should be able to answer most common questions. Please click on the link below to review our FAQs or get additional Contact Us information when our email response has been delayed.
Um. Did you see that LAST SENTENCE?
The Pony will probably be liver-spotted and bi-focaled by the time he gets that book!
Yes, and you'll be turning over in your grave.
ReplyDeleteI ordered a small (but pricey) drum for my oldest grandson. I ordered it on November 13. It was supposed to be a Christmas gift. Of course, it arrived on December 26. It had been sitting in Indiana since December 7, at USPS facility.
I could driven back and forth between Misssouri and Indiana, many times, between December 7 and the 26th. I wish I could have comandeered a postal truck and instead of transporting empty soda bottles, I would have gotten that drum on time.
(And your post just proves that a serving of Seinfeld is always relevant and always appreciated.)
I have been told by someone who swears it is true that trumpets were invented so people could play musical farts. Wonder if that inventor was Mozart? Or did he just write music that resembled farts?
ReplyDeleteHope The Pony gets his book before Easter.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteWAIT! I'm not IN my grave yet! Much to Farmer H's latest consternation. Hey! That could be song lyric. Like "Istanbul was Constantinople."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALkjA1t8ibQ
Only it would be "Farmer H's New Consternation!"
Oh my gosh! A DRUM! What grudges are you settling with his parents? I really wish you would have scammed a postal truck! Maybe I could have hitched along, to give Genius's two-day shipping Flat Rate package a nudge, since it was due December 23, and arrived in Pittsburgh on December 28. What an adventure we could have had! Though you might have needed to drop off my ample rumpus at a farmer's house to make better time.
(There you go, Madam, being psycho--I mean PSYCHIC--again! I just left a Seinfeld reference in my Saturday CENTSus post that I typed up for tomorrow, and was planning another one here for tomorrow. At least I know one person will appreciate them.)
***
River,
THAT would be a fascinating weird fact! I still haven't gotten my 2-business-day email from that company! I am not going to forget about it. As Even Steven is my witness, I shall never go bookless again! (Said with a dirty face, munching on a Ponytail Guy's carrot.)
When The Pony is liver-spotted and bi-focaled... Do you imagine you might be rolling in your grave then? THAT is what I was referring to. Of course, Farmer H might have you in that soiled spot sooner, due to his antics...
ReplyDeleteThe drum doesn't put out a great deal of noise. When it's struck, more bell-like tones emit. I save my revenge gifts for parents who stupidly put in white carpet when they have a toddler (things that will stain like paint). Noise-making toys that do not require a battery are always good. For a parent who a decade earlier (and then childless) said their child would never have a toy made of plastic (and then they requested Lego as a gift)--a set with thousands of pieces.
Yes, revenge is a dish best served cold.
I'd like to see you rewrite THOSE lyrics. (I finally checked out the link. Clever.)
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteAs long as you weren't trying to gaslight me into thinking I'm ALREADY DEAD, through some unholy alliance with Farmer H.
I'm sure that's just an advertising gimmick: a drum that doesn't put out a great deal of noise. Mmm hmm. And paint suited for white carpets, and LEGOs with little plastic trays that keep the pieces sorted by size and color, never spilling.
SIOUX 2,
I thought about it, but that was too time-intensive for the number of eyes that would read it, and the number of brains that would get the reference.
My unwanted gift of the dishwasher that HeWho wants me to have arrived damaged. I saw the UPS man drop it against the truck as he unloaded. There was a huge dent about 2/3 of the way down the door. The replacement came on Sunday! But they would not take the return that we had boxed up and taped together. They think we should transport it to one of the mailbox stores. UPS stops here frequently and it will sit here until hell freezes over before I lug it to town. I didn't want it anyway! But if I have to have one, then I damn sure don't want one with a big dent on the front of it!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteI can't believe they expect you to drag it to town! Aren't they in the SHIPPING BUSINESS? Do their trucks only UNLOAD parcels, and not load them? How do deliveries get on the truck? Surely you could get a return shipping label online, slap it on there, and be rid of it!
At least you knew ahead of time to reject that dented appliance! Farmer H took the liberty of accepting a deal on FRIG II's dented door, rather than hold out for a new door to be delivered the next day! So now the $200 is gone, and I look at my two dents every day. They are small, like fang marks from a large cobra, but still noticeable.