Poor pitiful Farmer H is besmirching my reputation. He seems to think that I am blind in one eye and can't see out of the other. When in reality, Farmer H himself IS blind in one eye, and WILL NOT see out of the other. Farmer H thinks of himself as poor pitiful. He plays it up like a bad actor in a summer stock Shakespearean production.
Tuesday night, he sat in his recliner and held out his hand towards me. I was on the short couch beside him, separated by an end table.
"Look what I done to my finger."
"I don't see anything."
"You need to get your eyes checked. You don't see THAT?"
"Um. No. I don't see anything. The lights are behind it."
"I can't believe you can't see it. I dern near cut my finger off! LOOK!"
For a minute, I thought he was going to pull open the skin so blood would shoot out, just to prove he was hurt. The lights are right above his recliner. Two recessed in the ceiling, the other being in front of him, nearer the TV.
"I don't know how you expect me to see your hand. The lights are behind it. Look. See my hand when I hold it up? Bright light on your side, but over here, it's a shadow. Like the dark side of the moon! I can't see a thing in the dark shadow."
"Huh." Farmer H pulled his hand back. Over his lap. "NOW do you see it? On the thumb!"
"Now that it is illuminated, yes, I see a scratch on your thumb. Even though you said it was your finger, and that's what I'd been trying to see in the dark."
"I CUT IT! I don't know where you're seeing a scratch."
I guess maybe I should have jumped up to fashion a tourniquet out of my saggy-topped black Doc Ortho sock, and tied it tightly around Farmer H's arm. Maybe with a loop around his neck...
Typical man, always with the drama. Even a tiny pin prick is like the hole of a cannon ball shot through them.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteExactly. One time Farmer H stormed out, saying The (baby) Pony's crying pierced his head so that he couldn't stand it, and that he thought he had a brain tumor. ER diagnosis: ear infection. Another time he said his throat was closing and he was suffocating. ER diagnosis: sore throat from a cold.
Are you sure the cut was not on his neck? If it was, you could have put a tourniquet around his neck...
ReplyDeleteMen are so wimpy when it comes to minor ailments.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteI guess he's lucky I didn't see a neck wound on the dark side of the moon. Farmer H's throat is rather full, like a bullfrog's neck before he croaks. It casts a shadow.
TODAY, Farmer H hurt his hip getting off his tractor. I think he is looking into a hip replacement...