Farmer H and I don't see eye-to-eye because I won't allow him to speak to me face-to-face. For the past few days, anyway.
We went to the casino on Sunday. On Tuesday, Farmer H was sneezing his fool head off. He sounded like that detached fool head was talking from inside a bucket when he spoke. He dabbed at his nose with a tissue or handkerchief. Yes, he's so old-fashioned that he will carry a handkerchief.
"Oh, great. Your final attempt to kill me! This might just work."
"You don't know what you're talking about! I just have the sneezes."
"You have more than that. You're SICK! Now you'll give me the VIRUS and I'll die!"
"Malarkey!"
On Wednesday, Farmer H was singing a different tune from the confines of his imaginary bucket.
"I guess I've caught something. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I put some VICKS inside my nose. But the problem is my breather, feeding my own breath back to me."
Heh, heh! Not ALL of it! Welcome to MY world! In fact, I've abdicated my world, and will not get in the bed with Farmer H during his sickness.
"Yet you're still planning to go to the auction tonight? You're supposed to stay away from people if you're sick. Not go out in public."
"Yeah. It's just a little cold."
"That's what YOU think! Haven't you heard about the newest source of panic, the DELTA VIRUS?"
"No. Is that a thing?"
"Well, to hear the news tell it. So you better panic and then feel bad when you kill me with it."
"You watch too much news. I've been fine. Except I can't sleep. Maybe I should go to Urgent Care."
"Are you THAT sick?"
"No. But I don't want to get worse. I'm planning my trip for next week."
"Oh. If you're sick, go. They won't give you any medicine. They'll jab a thing up your nose. Then tell you to go home. A cold is usually better in 7 to 10 days. If you're leaving on Tuesday, that will be the 8th day."
"Well. I'll give it through the weekend, then go on Monday if I'm not better."
The next day (Thursday) around noon, Farmer H came in the kitchen door and sat down across from me at the table.
"No! Don't even think about it! You're not sitting over there breathing your VIRUS breath on me!"
"You're crazy. I can't even talk to you."
"Not while you're breathing on me you can't!"
Farmer H stormed off to mow the yard. Some good fresh air and sunshine. Mumbling that he actually felt BETTER than the day before.
I heard him cough two, maybe three times that night, safe in my lair. On Friday, the bucketheadedness had gone away. Farmer H felt perfectly fine. Not carrying a handkerchief. An occasional spate of sneezes.
"I actually feel fine now. I'm over whatever it was. I TOLD you I wasn't sick!"
I'll let him sit across the table now. But no sneezing allowed.
You should get a small fan, and when he sneezes/breathes/coughs, you can aim the fan at him, so all his germs go back to where they came from...
ReplyDeleteYou don't want anything to prevent him from going on his TRIP, do you? How many days/nights will you be without his charming company?
I would have dragged him kicking and screaming to the nearest facility for Covid testing then locked him in one of his theme shacks for the required isolation until test results were given. You have both been vaccinated, right?
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteThe trip will be long enough to use up too much money on gas and hotel rooms and recreation. It's not like I'll even see a trinket.
You're not planning to rob me, are you? I know that you likely covet 99 percent of Farmer H's treasures. You might move into his prime real estate on Shackytown Boulevard! It's almost impossible to get rid of squatters these days. So you should know that my little dog Jack might have a tiny mouth, but he HAS bitten a neighbor on the heel...
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River,
I don't see the point of a test, since there is no treatment. They just say you have it, stay home. Which I already told him. Short of locking him in a themed shed to breathe his own breath, with a guard at the door, I don't know of a solution. He was tested before his medical procedure a couple weeks ago, so he didn't have it then. I think he didn't wash his hands before leaving the casino, and picked up somebody's sniffles.
I can't take the shot, since I had a bad reaction to my "last" flu shot in 2015. To think that I got it every year for over 25 years, and then it turned on me! The immune response lodged in my right knee, blew it up like a basketball! Then a couple days later, as that swelling subsided, it did the same to my left knee. My doctor at the time (I miss him so much since he left the clinic to work at the veterans' clinic) said it is unusual, but the immune response can localize anywhere in the body that there's inflammation. I sure don't want none o' that "cytokine storm" response. So I don't think it's for me. Besides, there's also my near-death from multiple blood clots a few years back. I'm not taking a chance on more of that. Farmer H has a certain deficiency for which he takes a weekly shot, and this vaccine could affect him worse than the VIRUS, which he may or may not catch. If that's what he just had, it's the wimpiest mutation ever.