I intruded upon a confusing conversation between Farmer H and The Pony when I returned to the living room Tuesday, after changing into my lair-wear, post-town-trip. It was about the renovations for Pony House. Farmer H was leaning forward in his recliner, so I knew he was making a point. The Pony sat on the long couch, a plate of leftover sink-sghetti on the marred coffee table.
"Will the door to the bathroom be on the living room side, or the hall side?"
"It's like this..." Farmer H held up a small cardboard box. "This is the bathroom. The door will be here."
"But is it on the living room side, or the hall side?"
"Here's the bathroom. The front door is over here. The bathroom door will be here." Farmer H said, holding the box in front of him and using his other fist as the front door, then moving it to point at a side of the box bathroom.
"You're not explaining it. All I want to know is which side the bathroom door will be on. The hall, or the living room."
"Yes I am! You just don't understand. THIS is the bathroom. Here's the front door. The door will be HERE." Farmer H said, again moving around the cardboard box bathroom floating in mid-air, and using his fist as the front door of Pony House.
Now you know what I go through! But I'M the one who doesn't understand..."
"Dad. Just tell me where the door is! Hall side, or living room side?"
"There ain't no hall!"
"Yes there is. You have to have a way to get to the utility room, and the back door!"
"Oh. Well. That ain't no hallway! It's a passageway."
The Pony and I looked at each other. His eyes might have rolled audibly.
"Dad. A hallway IS a passageway. What do you call that area by the piano, to get from the living room to my bedroom?"
"It ain't no hallway!"
"It IS a hallway! You walk down it to get to my bedroom and bathroom."
"It's BIGGER that a hallway! This ain't no 32-inch hallway in your new house! It's a passageway!"
"But is that where the bathroom door will be?"
"Yes. I've been trying to tell you that, but you're like your mom. You two cain't understand NOTHIN'!"
We need an interpreter most days.
Hick needed two cardboard boxes butted together I think, or maybe three. Perhaps a paper rendition of the layout, so the door position could be more easily explained. Even I got confused reading this. And I am pleased the bathroom door will not open from the living room.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteA one-word answer would have sufficed: HALL! But no, Farmer H had to go on and on, in his usual manner, repeating his explanation the same way, only louder each time.
Yes, the bathroom door will not open from the living room. I hope people can find that door, in the PASSAGEWAY!
Men speak their own language, and usually, it totally lacks logic/reason. I guess The Pony hasn't grown up enough to understand the mother tongue (or in this case, the father tongue)...
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteThe father tongue could be used as code during wartime, it is so hard to decipher!
This is a conversation I have been present at for 46 years!! The answer to a question so simple but made so complicated!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteWe are basically married to the same man, though your version likes McDonald's for breakfast when he sneaks away, and mine prefers Casey's donuts.