Farmer Non Grata

Farmer H's dark secrets have been revealed! We'll get to that in a minute.

Imagine my horror when my INTERNET WAS DOWN on Saturday morning! It was just fine on Friday night when I shut down HIPPIE. The Pony had Saturday off, and was planning lunch and a Pony House tour with his cousin. He was in the shower, so I couldn't send him down to reset the modem.

I MADE MY FIRST TRIP DOWN THOSE 13 RAIL-LESS BASEMENT STAIRS!

Yes. The first trip since my Unfortunate HospitVALzation. Thank the Gummi Mary, there was no literal TRIP. I got down them just fine, holding onto the banisters with both hands, until I could no longer reach them past the 8th step. Then I grabbed the upper floor, and eventually the metal support pole at the bottom. The trip back up was not so smooth. I hurt my GOOD knee. 

Anyhoo... I saw that somebody had closed the door on the little cabinet in Genius's former desk, where the modem lives. FARMER H! He's always closing doors. It's like an obsession with him. I went to the NASCAR bathroom to flush the toilet. You know how toilets get if you don't flush them for a month. We have hard water, and sometimes a calcium ring will built up. 

Huh. The toilet did not want to flush. The water level was low, but then it rose higher than normal, and was sluggish to go out. FARMER H! He musta took a poop while he was relegated to the basement to watch TV. I plunged it, and squirted some toilet cleaner in. Might as well do a chore while I was down here.

I went into the workshop area, to unplug the DISH satellite that sucks in my innernets. We always do a double restart: the modem and the satellite. Huh. I couldn't get to the plug. There was a large cardboard box in front of the shelf. FARMER H! There were some empty Diet Mountain Dew bottles in it. That darn pig can use a wastebasket or a trash bag like a normal person, and NOT collect his trash in a cardboard box to set in front of my plug-in.

Also in the cardboard box was an EMPTY box of Krispy Kreme five-flavor Jelly Belly jelly beans. FARMER H! I order those jelly beans for the boys every Christmas. These belonged to The Pony, who left them downstairs and said he didn't really favor them, so I could have them. I was waiting for a time that I really wanted them. But Farmer H must have noticed that they were under his roof, and helped himself without asking anyone. Like it just randomly rains Krispy Kreme five-flavor Jelly Belly jelly beans in our basement.

Farmer H's excuse was that he found the jelly beans on the floor. In the box, with the shrink-wrap still in place. Which he didn't mention. 

I don't even know how to schedule this for our nightly This Is The Time Of Day We Discuss The Most Recent Thing You've Done Wrong session.