Dang stupid flies! It's like they wait outside the kitchen door, poised like Olympic sprinters in starting blocks, waiting to rush into the Mansion as I'm doling out treats to the dogs. Who had thawed-out frozen roasted chicken strips that expired April 2020, much to their delight, on Tuesday.
After I put away a few groceries that The Pony had picked up for me in the Devil's Playground, I spied a dastardly fly sitting on the spout of my Bath and Body Works Coconut Sandalwood foaming hand soap, given to me by my sister the ex-mayor's wife last Christmas.
I grabbed my lime-green flyswatter, the new one I bought when I picked up a few for The Pony in Country Mart earlier in the summer. Still he sat there. Probably rubbing his grimy fly-hands with glee, watching me with his 12,000 eyes.
SWAT!
I slammed the lime-green flyswatter down on that impudent insect with a vengeance. What happened next was totally unexpected.
It rivaled the sequence of a game of Mouse Trap, where a boot kicks over a bucket holding a marble, which rolls down stairs and through a trough, then trips a lever that sends a ball into a bathtub with a hole in the bottom, and then falls through, launching an old man in dated swimwear into a swimming pool, where the vibrations of the platform it sits upon shakes loose a basket atop a pole, which shimmies down and traps a mouse sitting below. Here's a 10-second video, but the old man is more modern in this version than in my childhood game.
In the Mrs. HM game of Fly Swat, my lime-green flyswatter came down upon the fly. The bottle of Bath and Body Works Coconut Sandalwood foaming hand soap fell off the rim of the sink, landing spout-down in a Chinese Tupperware container full of soapy water that had recently held leftover chili. The momentum of the drop caused the Chinese Tupperware container to turn over, spilling out the soapy water, but leaving the bottle of Bath and Body Works Coconut Sandalwood foaming hand soap still inside.
I have no idea what happened to the fly. I have not seen him now in five hours. Perhaps he was washed down the drain. Which is just as good as being squashed by the lime-green flyswatter.
Have you checked the swat side of the swatter for squished fly bits, then at least you'll know if you hit him. You need to hang some of those sticky flypapers right outside that door.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteI did inspect the swatter, and found no evidence of intended foul play. I thought perhaps the commotion propelled the fly into the sink, momentarily knocked senseless, and the quart of water washed him down the drain. A perfect murder, no evidence.
I'm pretty sure I would walk into sticky flypapers and get my lovely lady-mullet caught in them! Soon enough, winter will be here, and the flies gone.
Fly paper looks so nasty! And I would definitely get it stuck to some part of my person. I bought one of those enclosed flytraps and kept it hanging outside the back door. The only bad part was pouring the "attractant" in and adding water. It smells like vomit!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteMaybe I need a ZAPPER! I'd probably learn to avoid it after one or two encounters!