The Financial Woes Of The Stupid

You'd think a woman who has done her own income tax calculations for decades would be able to file for retirement benefits. Wouldn't you? Seriously. How hard could that be? Just type in pertinent info concerning identification, preferred method of distribution, bank account info for direct deposit, and designated beneficiaries. But no. It has to be complicated.

Here's the deal. When I was fed up with teaching after 10 years, I took a state job dealing with unemployment claims. I loved it. Work your 8 hours, then go home without a thought of work until the next day when you clocked in. No homework, no worries. But then automation reared its ugly noggin, and my claims job became a phone service. So after 5 years to the (almost) day, my job ended. Actually, my 5 years ended on a Sunday, but I was graced with an extra day to give me a vested retirement. Heh, heh. YES, I drew unemployment until I got another job!

Anyhoo... this is not a lot of money that I have. The state contributed part, and employees contributed part towards their retirement investments. Farmer H has been harping at me for years to file and get it, usually triggered every three months when my benefits statement came in the mail. I know it won't be much. I'm tired of the harping. So I went online to investigate. Well. The joke is on Farmer H. Kind of.

If I had set up my account previously, I still would have needed to do it again. They updated their system. So I was actually just starting mine. I got the beneficiaries assigned. But when I looked for how to file, it was conspicuously hidden. Somewhere. I found a section where I could order forms, either by email or Pony Mail. I decided on both. I wanted to read it right away, but I was reluctant to file by email, in case my internet or HIPPIE had a malfunction. Of course they would only let me do one method. What in the Not-Heaven? As if it costs them to send me an email!

Anyhoo... I chose the Pony Mail method. The papers came last week, after taking 8 of the 5-10 business days allotted. Dang it! Apparently, I had requested the beneficiary packet! Like my beneficiaries need to file, once I kick off! But it DID contain info on drawing out the benefits. Oh, not a simple page. Nope. That packet contained 8 PAGES explaining rollovers and taxes and crap I understand about as well as world geography. Apparently, my money is in two kinds of accounts: a 401, and a 457. 

So... Farmer H's nagging started up again. "Why don't you just call them and file, like I told you in the first place?"

"Because I don't know what I'm doing! I will have to select things that might cost me a tax penalty. I don't get it. I'm old enough to draw out the money, but I don't know if it comes from two separate accounts, or if I have to put one into the other, and which one will get me the most money without a penalty. So I'd be stuck on the phone a long time, not knowing what to do, or which choices to make."

"Just call our financial advisor. She might be able to handle it for you."

So... I did that this morning. She said she can help me. I'd  much rather have her take a fee out of my investments to compensate for an appointment, than give up that money in taxes! She said to bring in the information packet and she'll look over it, because every employer has a little bit different rules on these things, like if I can even take it out in monthly installments. I offered her my account password to look it up ahead of time, but she said she's not allowed to do that. But with me there, she can, and we can file online, or if needed, she can call and talk to them. My appointment is for Friday.

I hope Farmer H will be satisfied when I start getting a couple dollars a month...